Ranting man: Fuck George Steinbrenner now, fuck George Steinbrenner now!
Passerby: But why?
Ranting man: Don’t be an idiot! Because tomorrow will be too late! Fuck George Steinbrenner now!
–Broadway & 63rd
Overheard by: Mark
Ranting man: Fuck George Steinbrenner now, fuck George Steinbrenner now!
Passerby: But why?
Ranting man: Don’t be an idiot! Because tomorrow will be too late! Fuck George Steinbrenner now!
–Broadway & 63rd
Overheard by: Mark
Man hitting woman next to him: Do you like that when I do it to you?
Woman, hitting man back: No!
Man, hitting woman again: If you don’t like it when someone does it to you, don’t do it to other people.
Woman, hitting man again: Don’t touch me! You were asleep, leaning on me!
Man: You ain’t cute! I wasn’t tryin’ to cop no feels!
–Manhattan-bound A train
Overheard by: courtenay
Guy: You can pour all the soup on it you want, that still won’t make it pancakes.
Woman, desperate: You don’t seem to realize, cigarettes are addictive!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Liz
Man: ‘Cause I’m like, ‘Seven a.m. is too fuckin’ early for Jesus — too fuckin’ early.’
–Union Square station
Overheard by: DM Cook
Caribbean woman pacing back and forth on crowded subway: Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen, Jesus is coming! Jesus is on the number two train tonight! Repent! Repent! Jesus is coming and he’s on the number two train tonight. Repent for your sins! Jesus died for you — for men, women, lesbians, gays…
–Uptown 2 train from 72nd St
Overheard by: pimnana
Drunk student: So, she said that Jesus loves you and died for your sins and made the Statue of Liberty disappear, or something.
–Uptown 2 train from 66th St
Overheard by: Avatarded
Homeless man on subway speaker: I am the lord, Jesus Christ. He is everywhere, including on this train… Give Jesus money and food or else hell will come down. [As police approach] Fuck off the lord, nigga.
–1 train, 168th St
Girl to friend: You know what? You need Jesus. You need Jesus!
–John Jay College
Overheard by: Scott
Woman successfully holding many paper towel rolls in hands and an open umbrella between her chin and shoulder: I am Jesus now.
–109 & Broadway
Overheard by: trying to stay dry
Crazy old woman: I’ll be back soon. Are you married?
Newsstand guy: Uh… No, I have not married.
Crazy old woman: Would you mind marrying me?
Newsstand guy: Uh… I have not married.
–92nd & Broadway
Overheard by: he was pretty attractive
Hobo to unconscious friend: Yo man, let’s get some coke! I don’t be playing, let’s get some coke! [Two minutes later] Psssh, ain’t no such thing as a good kid. All them fucked up. Yo man, you look like Barry White. Anyone ever tell you that? [No response.] Stupid. [Reaches into his plastic bag and pulls out a clown mask which he puts over his face.]
–LIRR waiting area
Overheard by: pretending my train just arrived
Lady carrying box: What brings you to the city?
British woman: We’re here looking at schools.
Lady carrying box: Well, are you concerned about electromagnetic fields?
–New Yorker Hotel elevator
Overheard by: Alyssa
Crazy man: Did you hear about the tweezers?!
Boy: Ummm… what?
Crazy man: The tweezers! They’re good. They’re better for your moustache. They help you take the hair out. They’re so much better.
Boy: Ok, thank you.
Crazy man: You’re welcome. Remember! The tweezers!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Sam
Woman: You know how those animal people are, though. I mean, I speak to them, though! I’ve done pigeon rescues and stuff before. I love animals.
Man: Did you ever bury your rats?
Woman: No… I just can’t bring myself to do it.
Man: How long has it been? Three years?
Woman: Yeah. They’re still in my freezer.
Man: Just bury them already!
Woman: I can’t bring myself to do it! They were my favorite!
Man: But they’re IN YOUR FREEZER! Why not have them stuffed, then?
Woman: What? No! That would be wacky!
–A train, 207th St
Overheard by: Auston McLain
Customer: You got anything for a model in here? My niece is a model, and I gotta get her something for her birthday!
Salesgirl: Yes, ma’am, we have some dresses over here.
Customer: ‘Cause she’s a model, and I gotta get her something… [holding up a scarf] is this good for a model?
Salesgirl: Well, yes, do you think she’d like those colors?
Customer: Oh, I don’t know! Who knows what these models want anyway! Do you have a knife?
Salesgirl: What?
Customer: A knife! A knife! So I can cut this open! [Produces large block of orange cheese from her coat]Salesgirl: Um, ma’am, there’s no eating in the store.
Customer: I know that! I’m not gonna eat it! I just want to open it! Jesus!
Salesgirl: Let me get my manager.
–Pookie and Sebastian, 36th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jenna Blackburn
