Homie #1: Daaamn, ladies.
Homie #2: How about a little one-on-one, or four-on-three?
Cute girl #1: Eat shit!
Cute girl #2: You’re the reason I rub feces all over my vagina!
–Clinton & Stanton
Homie #1: Daaamn, ladies.
Homie #2: How about a little one-on-one, or four-on-three?
Cute girl #1: Eat shit!
Cute girl #2: You’re the reason I rub feces all over my vagina!
–Clinton & Stanton
Woman #1: I got my grandmother the hugest card for Mother’s Day. She likes things that are really big.
Man: See, and they always told me that size doesn’t matter.
Woman #1: It really doesn’t matter what it says; she doesn’t understand English, anyway.
Woman #2: Do you think giving her the big card makes her understand it better the same way people think that talking louder to people who can’t speak English make them understand you?
–14th Street elevator
Man: Just a little gay boy, yes. But a little gay boy with a big ass dick.
–S. Williamsburg
Ed.: What’s an ass dick?
Sleazeball: I don’t want to break up; I want to sleep with someone else.
–Penang, UWS
Overheard by: Phyllis Overstreet
Drunk man: What's your name?
Sober woman: Emily.
Drunk man: Can we talk, Emily?
Sober woman: Sorry, I have to go call my boyfriend.
Drunk man, clutching heart: Dagger! Your name should be “dagger.”
–Coming Out of UWS Bar
Overheard by: That's cold
Creepy guy: You have delightfully sharp elbows.
Angular woman: Thank you, I had them sharpened this morning.
–Checkout Line, CVS
Cute little Latina girl: Bye!
Creepy 40-something white man: Bye now!
(little girl looks back and waves again)
Cute little Latina girl: See ya later, alligator!
Creepy 40-something white man: In a while, cock child.
Cute little Latina girl, confused: No. It's “in a while crocodile,” silly!.
Creepy man: Oh, I thought it was “cock child.”
–N Train
Overheard by: BJ MacKay
Man in cowboy hat, looking at large crowd surrounding a Jew for Jesus: Man, I can't compete with religion, all I got are card tricks! This sucks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: SilentRaver
Guy on cell: Why, is it because it's the blacks? (pause) Oh, I get it. It's the Baptists.
–Cosi, 13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Heather
Crazy creepster, going up to Catholic girls and screaming: Catholic schoolgirls rule!
–R Train
Overheard by: Amanduh
Tall, 40-something guy on cell: I don't know… I don't think I can go drunk to church.
–53rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Midtown Schmidtown
Woman: My husband is pissed because I skipped church for this shit!
–Medieval Festival, Ft. Tryon Park
Blonde: So what is this drink anyway?
Creepy guy: A roofie-coolada. (sinister snicker)
Blonde: Oh. Okay! (laughs)
–Virgil's, W 44th St
Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?
–4th St & 2nd Ave
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?
–Whole Foods
Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.
–The Leather Man
Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend
Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.
–5th Ave & 58th St.
Overheard by: Courtney
Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!
–Crowded NYU Elevator
Overheard by: S
Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Liat
