Wednesday One-Liners Have Never Been Married… Just Sayin’

Old queer: You won’t believe your eyes in Plainfield. There’s not one heterosexual in Plainfield.

–75th & Columbus

Amazed nerd teen: They did this study on women who are ovulating, and even in gay bars when they’re ovulating they get way more dick.

–S’nice Coffee Bar, 14th St & 8th Ave

Big black girl: So being gay, when a straight person says, "You can stay over with me, but I’m not inviting you to touch me…" No, girl! You *are* inviting me to touch you.

–C Train

Overheard by: Lemuel

Random guy in stall next me: It’s a cluster fuck… Out there, not here, you don’t think I’m gay, do you?

–JFK Bathroom

Guy with to few friends: I’m the most homophobic gay man ever.

–Staten Island Perkins Diner

IT manager: Do you know how long ago 1984 was? I was straight!

–915 Broadway, Manhattan

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on April 16, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, JFK Airport, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Sexuality, Soho, Stall Spies, Staten Island, Teens, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Words

I Like Being Able to Fast-Forward

Nerd chick: So, are you gonna see Ahmadinejad speak today, or go to the rally or anything?
Bimbette: Nah… I thought maybe I would, but then I realized I could totally just wait ’til it comes out on YouTube or whatever. It’s like, why even bother?

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on February 24, 2008
Bimbettes, Columbia (& Barnard), Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Internet, President, Students, Stupidity

Does That Mean That Hugo Chavez Doesn’t Wear Pasties?

Nerd: Didn’t Fidel Castro die this week?
Geek: No.
Nerd: Oh… I must have had that dream again.

–William Gibson signing, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

Headline by: mark manne

Runners-Up:
· “And Jessica Simpson Didn’t Blow You Either.” – Chuck Roast
· “Freud: Sometimes a Dream About a Cigar Is Just a Dream About a Cigar” – Vasyl
· “I Guess Rush Limaugh and I Weren’t Tied Up and Spanked by Midgets Either?” – Cru Jones
· “I Guess That’s Why the Easter Bunny Was There” – allison
· “Winney the Pooh Being Raped by Danger Mouse Was Kind Of a Tip Off” – Kit Kat

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 18, 2008
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Dreams, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Store

We Should Not Have Smoked Weed before Math Class

Guy: Do you think Jim’s cute?
Girl: He looks like a baby.
Guy: Like an isosceles baby.
Girl: His head is made of polygons.

–Metropolitan & Lorimer

Overheard by: Olga

Posted on January 3, 2008
Brooklyn, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Williamsburg, Words

Moldova? EU!

Geek #1: I can’t believe Romania just got accepted into the European Union!
Geek #2: What do you know? Next thing they’ll even take Moldova.

–50th & Broadway

Posted on December 29, 2007
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Rumor Has It

When Even Nerds Get Age-Vain, What Chance Do We Have?

Pushing-40 nerd #1: Dude, the Matrix trilogy is like the original Star Wars trilogy for my generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #2: Whatever, man. Dude, you’re, like, 38. The original Star Wars trilogy is the Star Wars trilogy of your generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #1: Fuck you.

–Javits Center

Posted on October 22, 2007
Age/Aging, Assholes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Movies, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

Wednesday One-Liners Wear Taped Glasses

Guy to cooks: So, do you guys just sit around all night making up medieval names for each other?

–Pizza shop, 2nd Ave & St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: mangledorf

Nerd on cell: I waited five years to get a girlfriend, and I finally got one and I just couldn’t take it!

–Dunkin’ Donuts, 14th St

Overheard by: Jo

Chick on cell: Whoa, did I just refer to Voldemort in a romantic context? What is happening to me?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Dork: Wow, 200 points of magic! Well, that would truly be a day of sorcery.

–LIRR

NYU student: So, Yoda is more masculine than Sophocles?

–NYU

Overheard by: waphle

Posted on September 19, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Pop Culture, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners

The Planet Responsible for New York Minute? Ew.

Nerd: So, seriously, where are you from?
Weary Asian hipster girl: Earth.

–Outside Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway

Overheard by: can’t wait to use that one

Posted on September 11, 2007
Asians, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Home, Sweet Home, Pick-up Lines, Store

That, Plus the Lab Test

Nerdy chick picking dirt off shoe with fingernail: I wonder how I got all this mud on my shoe…
Nerdy boyfriend: That’s not mud; that’s dog shit.
Nerdy chick, horrified: How do you know?!
Nerdy boyfriend: I saw you step in it on our way over here.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on August 10, 2007
Central Park, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Poop

Hey, Where’d You Go?

Hot nerdy girl, excitedly: Well, I want a car that’s like a cuttlefish! Like, it can change colors and escape from danger and stuff!
Boyfriend: [Blank stare.]Hot nerdy girl: I think that’d be awesome.
Boyfriend: … You’re kinda cute, and I love you.

–82nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on July 24, 2007
Cars and Driving, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Dorks, Geeks and Nerds