Drunk chick #1: I got sandwiches! This one has turkey and Grenada cheese.
Drunk chick #2: Did you just say “vagina cheese”?
Drunk chick #1: No, *Grenada* cheese.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Drunk chick #1: I got sandwiches! This one has turkey and Grenada cheese.
Drunk chick #2: Did you just say “vagina cheese”?
Drunk chick #1: No, *Grenada* cheese.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Drunk fan: Martin Brodeur fucked his sister-in-law.
Sober pisser: That’s worse than OJ Simpson.
Drunk fan: Yeah, he’s French Canadian.
–Madison Square Garden bathroom
Overheard by: TrueBlue
Pissing dude to couple walking: Hey! Hey! Don’t look! I am, in fact, urinating.
Friend: Yeah, sorry to ruin your night of flowers and romance, but at least you have a good story to tell your friends now.
–81st & Amsterdam
Friend: How are you not wasted?
Birthday dude: It’s one of my many talents — I can be drunk and still be cohesive.
Friend: You mean ‘coherent’?
Birthday dude: Fuck you.
–Black Bear Lodge
Club dude: May I ask you why you’re licking your handstamp?
Drunk teen guy: I wasn’t. They stamped me twice, and I had something in my tongue.
–The Knitting Factory, Leonard Street
Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!
–8th Ave & W 55th St
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.
–Uptown 6 train
Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.
–NYU
Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds
Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?
–43rd & Lex
Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.
–Washington Heights
Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!
–115th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
Drunk #1: That girl’s got legs up to her lunchbox.
Drunk #2: Yeah, but there ain’t a lot of protein on them bones.
–Fred’s Bar, South Bronx
Guy: Hey, you’re limping! Did you run the marathon or something?
Gal: No, I fell doing a kegstand.
–Greenwich & Charles
Drunk crazy woman (slurring words): Yeah? Well, fuck you!
Drunk crazy dude: Yeah! Well, you haven't given me a boner in four years!
Random passerby: Oh, damn!
–Bedford Ave & 11th
Overheard by: Aria Grillo
Drunk B&T chick: Look, it’s Penn Station. We could go home right now!
Cranky stranger: That sounds like a good idea to me.
–downtown A train
Overheard by: Thinking the Same Thing
