Hot guy #1: Sometimes her vagina smells like old cheese, and I feel like I’m suffocating down there and I’m gonna die.
Hot guy #2: Just use a snorkel.
Hot guy #1: Does that work?
Hot guy #2: I don’t leave home without it.
–23rd & Park
Hot guy #1: Sometimes her vagina smells like old cheese, and I feel like I’m suffocating down there and I’m gonna die.
Hot guy #2: Just use a snorkel.
Hot guy #1: Does that work?
Hot guy #2: I don’t leave home without it.
–23rd & Park
Willing guy: Let’s go stand over here…
Smoking hot girl: So, are you going to eat me on the hood of my car or what?!
–N train
Angry lady to boyfriend: They don’t pay my fucking rent! They don’t eat my fucking pussy!
–E 9th & 5th
Man on cell: It comes down to about seven dollars a blowjob.
–59th & 5th
Wheelbo, politely: Excuse me, does the bus stop here? [Ignored, so addresses next passerby politely] Pardon me, ma’am? Are you looking for a dick to suck?
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: No, I am not.
SVA photography teacher: You’d have a better time giving head to King Kong than using this method.
–SVA, 21st & 3rd
Overheard by: student
Kid on cell: … So I said, ‘You can suck my dick for some of your spaghetti.’
–Outside hardware store, 102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh
Dude: If I could’ve gone down on a donkey I would have done it.
–W New York hotel, Union Square
17-year-old girl on cell: So, this girl was eating me out, right? [Pause] Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number.
–Starbucks, Union Square West
Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.
–Fashion District
Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.
–78th St & 37th Ave
Overheard by: Jillian
Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!
–2 train
Overheard by: Macaire
Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: Jay
Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: wishing i did soaps
Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.
–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium
Overheard by: did he get a receipt?
Chick #1: So, what are we doing tonight?
Chick #2: I don’t know… Wanna go down on me?
Chick #1: Jesus Christ, Chelsea, can you be a little louder?
Chick #2: So, is that a ‘No’?
–Central Park
Overheard by: emily
Girl: Seriously, I’d give, like, 20 blowjobs to get an apartment.
–Barna, 26th & Park
Overheard by: Greg
Crazy guy: I gotta stop eating pussy. I’m losing my breath.
–F train
Girl to guy: If you don’t like oral sex, don’t open your mouth.
–68th St station
Overheard by: liza
Guy defending self to group of friends: I’ve tasted pussy!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Reina
Guy on cell: Which one? Me sucking dick or San Francisco?
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Teen girl: I need balls in my mouth.
–Disney Store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Gin
Ghetto teen: And so she was suckin’ my dick, and there was a 10 dollar bill on the table, and — get this — when she stopped suckin’, it was gone! Bitch took my money!
–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn
Overheard by: djingo
Woman: Can you tell me where the bus to Rochester is?
Information guy: Gate 63.
Woman: Thank you.
Information guy, after she walks away: Yeah, she wants me to lick her dirty pussy.
–Port Authority Bus Station
Overheard by: Andrew Dill
Girl #1: I could never be a lesbian. Like, I might be able to kiss a girl, but if I had to go down on someone, UGH!
Girl #2: Yeah, if I had to go down on a girl I think I’d faint.
Girl #1: I wouldn’t faint, but I’d vomit… probably on her cooch.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Gablowo
Girl: And can I get brown rice with my order?
Waiter: No, we don’t have brown rice here. Only white rice.
Girl: Oh, OK.
Waiter: We don’t consider brown rice Chinese food.
–40th & 2nd
Skinny fashionista: If you just eat like I eat and exercise, you’ll lose weight. I swear!
Normal woman: But you hardly eat anything. Don’t you get hungry?
Skinny fashionista: You are totally missing the point!
–Bar, Soho Grand
Overheard by: Manhattman
