Guy #1: She stuck her lollipop in my mouth! And she has herpes!
Guy #2: She has herpes?
Girl: Well, everyone has herpes…
–Sin Sin, E. 5th Street
Overheard by: Jon Zebraskey
Guy #1: She stuck her lollipop in my mouth! And she has herpes!
Guy #2: She has herpes?
Girl: Well, everyone has herpes…
–Sin Sin, E. 5th Street
Overheard by: Jon Zebraskey
Wife: Just give me the whole chicken.
Hubby: The what?
Wife: I asked for the whole chicken and that’s what I wanted. Is that too much to ask?
Hubby: What were you going to do with a whole chicken?
Wife: …it’s just principle.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: B.E.
Boy: Mom, can we buy these cookies?
Mom: No honey, we cannot.
Boy: Why? Because they have carbohyboraties in them? Mom, you’re scared of carbohyboraties, aren’t you?
–Gristede’s, UWS
Girl: Look! Cantaloupes! Mom! Look at the cantaloupes!
Mom: No dear, cantaloupes are a fruit. These are antelopes.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Sarah Glazer
Trendy: I’d like a swiss burger and, instead of fries, can I substitute soup?
Waiter: No.
Trendy: OK, it was just a suggestion.
Waiter: Great. You can have it that way when you open your own restaurant.
–Pearl Street diner
Cashier: Do you want anything on it?
Buyer: What?
Cashier: Do you want anything on your hot dog?
Buyer: Yes.
Cashier: What would you like?
Buyer: Nothing.
–Papaya’s, 86th & 3rd
Old man #1: I must have my cloaking device on today! Ha, ha.
Old man #2: Get the fuck out of my way, asshole.
Old man #1: Damn Klingons.
–D’Agostino, Greenwich Street
Overheard by: nick
Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.
–Bakery, 70th & Lex
Older Hispanic gay man to guy in Subway sandwich costume: Uh sandwich, be careful someone doesn't eat you, darling.
Passers-by: (laugh)
Older Hispanic gay man: Whaaat? That's what you do to a saaandwich.
–9th & 2nd
Overheard by: eat me
Drunk girl, to owner of pizza place: Hasta mañana!
Drunk guy: That’s not Italian!
Drunk girl: He’s not Italian, he’s Greek! He speaks Yiddish and Greek!
–30th & 3rd
Woman: Why was the box of cereal in the bathroom with you this morning?
Man: What else was I gonna write on?
–Manhattan-bound D train
Overheard by: Jess McGins
