Guy #1: Dude, I’ve got nub.
Guy #2: I’ve got rocks.
Guy #1: Word.
Guy #2: Oh, let’s put them in the hookah and smoke all of them at the same time. I heard it’s a fun game.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Samantha
Guy #1: Dude, I’ve got nub.
Guy #2: I’ve got rocks.
Guy #1: Word.
Guy #2: Oh, let’s put them in the hookah and smoke all of them at the same time. I heard it’s a fun game.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Samantha
Girl #1: Yeah, I got a fake ID yesterday at 42nd Street.
Girl #2: Oh my god, let me see!
Girl #3: Yeah, I wanna see, too!
Girl #1: No way. We’re not passing it around. I’m not sketchy like that.
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Guy #1: So yeah, I fucked her, man… It was great.
Guy #2: Good to know, man.
Guy #1: And know what’s better?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I fuckin’ hate her!
Guy #2: Sweet, man!
Guy #1: I know!
–30th & 3rd
Overheard by: AMH
Chick #1: … But think about it — if we have so many bananas, like, in the supermarket and everything, then where are all the monkeys?
Chick #2: You are so right.
Chick #1: I mean, it’s true — shouldn’t they be here, where the bananas are?
Chick #2: That is so deep.
Chick #1: We should stop smoking weed.
–69th & CPW
Kid #1: You’re mad short, haha.
Kid #2: Shut up! I know I’m short! I haven’t grown at all! The only thing that grew was my dick!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: A.K.
Headline by: KMW
Runners-Up:
· “And Somewhere in America, Mary Kay Letourneau’s Ears Prick Up” – Sara
· “Everyone in Dwarf Porn Goes through This Moment” – M
· “I’m a Little Teapot, 2.0” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Whatchu Talkin’ About, Willis?” – Molly
Guy #1: God, I hate the Heebs. How can I join Hezbollah?
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up, man! The government probably heard that!
–4 train, 86th St
Overheard by: waiting for a sniper to take him out
Girl: Well, she was clearly hurt. Her eye swelled up like a monkey’s vagina!
Guy: What? Like a monkey’s vagina?
Girl: Yeah, when they’re in heat.
Guy: Ohhh… Only monkeys’ vaginas swell?
–Elevator, 101st & Broadway
Blonde #1: Look how big that dog is!
Blonde #2: Oh my god, that dog’s as big as my body!
–ESPN store
Guy, after passing a lingerie boutique: Oh, and by the way, that underwear store is bad luck! Every girlfriend I’ve bought something for from there dumped me the next day!
Friend: Yeah, man, it’s like a big steaming pile of bad luck.
–Thompson St, Soho
Overheard by: You have bad taste
