Guy #1: This is fun, but it will be a lot better when we’re in bed.
Guy #2: … You’re gay?
–Urinal, Hard Rock Café
Overheard by: Danny
Headline by: ilemanzer
Runners-Up:
· “Can’t a Straight Guy Talk to His Penis?” – Tadzio
· “Does Mom Know?” – Ren
· “If I’d Known That Earlier I’d NEVER Have Let You Suck My Cock” – Lindsey
· “No, but I Did Appreciate That You Swallowed.” – Me
· “You’re a Guy?” – alice
Girl: I met this guy last summer… He was French…
Guy: That means he was gay?
–1 train
Overheard by: olga torrey
Guy to friend: Yo! I’m mad hungry! I want some anus! [Passengers stare.] … Awww, shit! I meant that shit from McDonald’s — angus! Angus!
–4 train
Enthusiastic queer: This train smells like McDonald’s! Someone’s being a chubby chicken!
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: Onion
Hobo: Just so you know, they don’t got liquor stores in heaven. They don’t got no McDonald’s, neither.
–1 train
Overheard by: Galen
Girl on cell: He’s obsessed with America’s Next Top Model… And he watches What Not to Wear… What? No… Mom, he said that McDonald’s fries are his weakness, but they go straight to his thighs! How much gayer do you need him to be?!
–Pratt Institute
Mom to crying kid in stroller: Well, if you don’t want McDonald’s, I don’t know what I can get you.
–207th & Broadway
Hedge fund wannabe #1 pointing to poster: Barry Manilow!
Hedge fund wannabe #2: So gay!
Hedge fund wannabe #1: He looks like what Rod Stewart would be if Rod were a woman…
–53rd St station
Overheard by: Dennis
Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.
–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Jack
Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!
–Borders
Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.
–42nd & Broadway
Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!
–Wall St & Broadway
11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!
–E train, 50th St
Girl #1, outraged: How could you have sex without us?!
Girl #2: Relax — it was with a guy.
–Columbia University
Eight-year-old: But Dad, why are we in the bookstore if we’re not buying books?
Dad: Because Daddy likes quiet places.
Eight-year-old: That sounds gay.
Dad, looking nervous: Shut up!
–Borders
Overheard by: Eyeoftherabbit
Girl wearing cargo capris: Do I look like a lesbian in these pants?
Stranger girl: Yeah, why?
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Hal
Girl: Don’t you feel bad?
Guy: About what?
Girl: For one, you’re in your girlfriend’s jeans, her jacket, her flats, and her fucking pearls. And second…
Guy: And second what?
Girl: You got fucked by three different guys in the two days she’s been out of town.
Guy: If I suck so much, why the fuck are we friends?
Girl: ‘Cause when she is out of town, I have my own little gay Barbie doll and fashion expert all in one. And it’s your turn to buy the manicures.
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: Julie
Father to kids cupping statue’s penis: Come on, girls, it’s time to leave. You’ll be lesbians before you know it.
–Time Warner Center
Lesbian to pal: We could be the next big hit! Lesbians on ice!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Putting on her Ice Skating Shoes
Lesbian: You’re upset that the woman could tell we’re dykes. I’m upset that she insulted us because we’re dykes.
–16th & 1st
Drunk redhead trying to hail C train: A hot dog in the hand is worth two lesbians in the bush.
–207th St station
Hobo: Beware the lesbians! They feed at sundown!
–E/V platform, 5th Ave
