Let's Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiiiiner!

Chick on cell: It attacked me this morning. I attacked it this afternoon.

–113th St

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Six-year-old boy on train platform to grown man eyeing him: Stop looking at me or I'm going to beat you up!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Turning away now.

Hipster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?

–60th & Lex

Overheard by: Easy Does It

Shopper on her cell: If one of these little kids steps on my toes one more time I'm gonna pinch the motherfuckers.

–Ikea in Red Hook

Woman in bathroom: No, there's no toilet paper. You wanna throw down?

–Port Authority

Posted on July 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Customers, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Not New York, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, Punch, Store, Threats, Time, Upper East Side, Violence, Women

Leaving Us with Exactly Nothing to Talk About

Chick #1: You should totally invite your brother to Amsterdam.
Chick #2: Can’t — my brother gave up pot to impregnate his wife.

–Bowlmor Lanes

Posted on July 25, 2015
Girls, The Village, Weed

Why Is She Telling Her Daughter a Horse ‘Fits’ Her?

Mother: So, if you could be any animal, which do you think would represent you the best? I think a horse fits you.
Daughter: What? A horse? No. I want to be a unicorn.
Mother: You’re mentally ill.

–Balthazar, Spring & Crosby

Overheard by: apples

Posted on July 25, 2015
Animals & Nature, Assholes, Compare/Contrast, Families, Girls, Kids, Moms, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Violence

It’s the Default Option

Chick #1: So, what do you think?
Chick #2: It’s…
Chick #1: It’s complicated.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s complicated.
Chick #1: I need to change my Facebook profile. Is ‘It’s complicated’ an option for relationship status?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: Good.

–73rd & Columbus

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on July 25, 2015
Girls, Internet, Relationships

I Probably Should Join the Marines and Learn How

Girl #1: So I saw Juno the other day, it was really funny.
Girl #2: Yeah, the girl from that movie Hard Candy is in that where she like tortures a pedophile.
Girl #1: Oh yeah! That movie rocked my socks off. Man I would give anything to kick a pedophile in the neck.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 5th

Posted on July 25, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Duane Reade, Girls, Kick, Movies, Robbing the Cradle, Violence

Which Are Also Made in China

Girl #1: Ugh, this is made in China, everything is made in China these days.
Girl #2: Yeah, in China they eat puppies.

–Target, Queens

Posted on July 24, 2015
Ethnic Food, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Queens, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

Oh Wait a Minute, I Think She's Having a Seizure

Girl: See that lady over there? She's like…orgasming to her iPod.
Guy: (laughs)
Girl: No, seriously. She's so funny to watch. Who the fuck orgasms to a song?
Guy: I'd orgasm to a good song.
Girl: Yeah? What's a good song?
Guy: That one by Nine Inch Nails. Something like “I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal.”
(little boy observing animals stares, puzzled)

–Central Park Zoo

Posted on July 24, 2015
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Girls, Guys, iPod, Music, Orgasm

It’s Michael Malice and I’m 29

Chick: Happy birthday!…What’s your name?

–203 Spring, Spring Street

Posted on July 24, 2015
Birthdays, Buildings, Celebrations/Parties, Compliments, Girls, Idiots, Stupidity

Reader Poll: Which Part Of That Last Statement Was More Disturbing?

20-something guy: His beard makes him look like Chuck Norris.
20-something girl: Who?
Bartender: Chuck Norris. He was Walker, Texas Ranger.
20-something guy: You don't know who Chuck Norris is?
20-something girl: I feel like we always talk about Chuck Norris and I have no idea who he is.

–3rd St & Berry, Williamsburg

Overheard by:

Posted on July 23, 2015
Bartenders, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Hair, Movies, Questions, Williamsburg

Rockette Auditions Are the Stuff Of Nightmare

Girl: It smells like vagina.
Guy: No, it smells like vaseline or something.
Girl: Really? It smells like ass.

–Radio City

Overheard by:

Posted on July 23, 2015
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Lube, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Theater, Vagina

Girls