Girls

Not That There’s Anything Wrong With Wednesday-One-Liners

Girl: Someone just needs to push him off the gay cliff, ‘cuz he’s not jumpin!

–Varick &Vandam

Ghetto girl: I seen Whoopie Goldberg’s daughter! She a lesbian, light-skinned, and she bad!

–9th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: david hyman

Darrell Hammond: It’s only queer if you’re on the bottom.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Angry man on cell: This is exactly why I don’t date bisexual guys!

–3rd Ave & 9th St

Girl on cell: I still don’t get why you dumped him. Just ’cause you’re a lesbian and he’s got that thing for unicorns doesn’t mean you wouldn’t have been cute together.

–2nd & A

Thug: So I was eating that bitch out, and yo, yo, she told me that she was a lez…A lesbian yo! A lesbian!

–Manhattan Ave & 103rd St

Overheard by: Carol – walking slowly so as to hear the rest

Queer: My friend Carol has been dating gay guys for years and fails to realize it until it’s too late!

–Jamaica Ave and 150th St

Overheard by: Rodney-Rod

For Instance, I Could Learn What “Audacity” Means

Preppy girl #1: Where's that Obama book?
Preppy girl #2: The Audacity of Hope?
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, that one.
Preppy girl #2: Why do you want that? It's not like you're gonna read it.
Preppy girl #1: I know, but I feel like if I did, I'd be a lot smarter, you know?

–Strands Book Store, Union Square

Anal Penetration: The Universal Language

Guy to friends: My goal in life is to get as many dicks in my ass as possible.
Random girl: Mine too!

–Canal St

Watch What I Can Do With My Face!

Three-year-old in stroller: Have you ever seen a pussy?
Nanny: No.

–76th St & Amsterdam

But More Accurate Than “Lamp-Post”

Drunk girl #1: (points at a green minivan) Cab!
Drunk girl #2: Nope.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Anna D

She Just Emigrated from Munchkinland

Girl #1: Where are you from, again?
Girl #2: Kentucky.
Girl #1: Oh, no…that didn’t get by the tornado, did it?

–Shades of Green, E. 15th Street

Overheard by: Emily

Apparently It Made Her Crave Tostitos.

Girl #1: The professor was pretty insulted when I told her the joke.
Girl #2: What was the joke?
Girl #1: How do you get a dead baby into a box? Put it in a blender. How do you get a dead baby out of the box? With Tostitos!
Girl #2: That's gross.
Girl #1: My professor was pregnant.

–Fordham University

Good Thing Grandma’s in a Coma or She’d Never Get a Boyfriend!

Girl #1: I just wanted to scream at her to put on a goddamn bra and shave her fucking armpits!
Girl #2: Oh my god, I know. I mean, it’s not like she has much there… But it’s something and you gotta cover those puppies up.

–Greenwich Village

Headline by: RaRa

Runners-Up:
· “And the Way She Was Holding Baby Jesus–ROTFL” – ddv
· “I Mean, You’d Think She’d WANT to Look Good at Her Own Communion!” – RaRa
· “Joan and Melissa Rivers’ Commentary at the Bronx Zoo” – allison
· “Or Carry Them in a Bag Like a Celebrity” – Andrew
· “Where Have All the Paula Cole’s Gone?” – chubba
· “Yeah, But Jagged Little Pill Was Such a Great Album” – blistexaddict
· “You’d Think by the Age Of 8, She’d Get That!” – MalG

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

In a Couple of Years His Words Will Be Haunting

Old man: Enjoy your looks while you still have them.
Girl: Oh, we’ve got a long time before we have to start worrying.
Old man: No, you don’t. Just remember: men age, women rot.

–12th & B

Development of the Vitamin-Enhanced Pussy Hits a Snag

Girl: No! I will not put your Propel bottle in my vag!
Boy: Come on, I’m sure it’ll fit!
Girl: No! I will not! Do you want vag juices all up in your Propel bottle?!
(boy walks away)
Girl (to self): I didn’t think so.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Sophie

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