Wednesday One-Liners: Great for Bachelor Parties!

16-year-old girl on cell: So like, for Halloween my mom told me about this strip club we could go to…

–110th & Central Park West

Overheard by: sophie Balis-Harris

Drunk stumbling Yankee meathead to fellow meatheads: Yo! Let's get some fucking strippers! I don't give a fuck about my girlfriend! (pauses and looks around) If I drop any more beer on this woman… (spills half his cup on her back) Ah, fuck.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: seat 12 section 23

20-something woman on cell: What, you had sex with that stripper?!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Liz

Drunk suit: Yeah…we did it up fo' my son's 18th birfday. He be graduatin and all this year, so we sprung fo' a stripper.

–Q67 Bus

Overheard by: Kate

Teen screaming into cell: Stripper. (pause) No, stripper!

–Little Italy

Posted on September 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Infidelity, Insults, Little Italy, Meatheads, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Strippers, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

Not a Good Reason to Drop Out, but the Best I’ve Heard Yet

Metal chick: Why is it that everyone who goes away to college loves Dave Matthews Band or O.A.R.?
Friend: I don’t know, but they both suck.
Metal chick: That’s why I left school. I fucking hate Dave Matthews Band.

–Downtown 1 train

Posted on September 26, 2014
College, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Music, On the Subway, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity

That, and They Never Go to the Gym

Girl, in line for Circle Line: Oh my god! The squirrels here are so fat! Fatter than the ones back home!
Guy in line: Kick it!
Girl: The pigeons are fat, too!
Guy in line: Kick it!
Girl: I don't want anymore of this pretzel. Here, pigeon…
Stranger girl, annoyed: That's why the pigeons are so fat here!

–Battery Park

Posted on September 26, 2014
Animals & Nature, Battery Park, Birds, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Strangers

I Miss My Old Boss

Girl#1: And he was all like, “Boo hoo, I wish you were here to take care of me. Come snuggle.”
Girl#2: Aww! That’s sweet.
Girl#1: Ew! No it’s not! [after rolling eyes and taking sip of coffee] that’s what his fucking wife is for…
Girl#2: I… Do you hear yourself?
Girl#1: Fuck you!

–NYU

Posted on September 25, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Marriage, NYU, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

Not Done Saying Goodbye to The Gates

Old woman: Well, they really aren’t that bad.
Old man: Yeah right!

–The Gates

Overheard by: meg

Guy: It cost them like $23 million to put up. I would have liked it more if they paid half as much.
Girl: I would have liked it more if it was a different color. It was described as saffron. It’s not. It’s orange.

–The Gates

Overheard by: bluesdog

Posted on September 25, 2014
Arts & Letters, Central Park, Girls, Guys, Old People

You Can't Teach Talent— or Enthusiasm

Girl #1: So I started giving him head…
Girl #2: Nasty!
Girl #1: Nah, I love dick.

–2nd Ave & 12st St

Overheard by: Jackson

Posted on September 24, 2014
BJs, Girls, Penis, Union Square and East Village

T Minus 5, 4…

Drunk chick: I’m gonna cry like a little bitch in about 2 minutes!

–Party, Dumbo

Posted on September 24, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Parades & Festitivites

Those Wacky Metrosexuals

Girl #1: We were late ’cause he was looking at himself. Just looking at himself. I go in, and he’s checking himself in the mirror, making faces, and I get all mad at him, and he’s like, ‘What?!’
Girl #2: He must be really into himself. Men don’t do that.
Girl #1: He is good-looking, though.

–6 Train

Posted on September 24, 2014
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Gender issues, Girls, On the Subway

Brenda Discovers the Full Extent of Her Parents’ Deception

A guy is walking a dog with huge private parts.

Girl: Is that a boy dog or a girl dog?
Guy: I think it’s a girl.
Girl: That’s a pussy?

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: Fatty McFingers

Posted on September 24, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Guys, Man's Best Friend, Vagina

Like a Guy Would Ever Press Charges

HS girl #1: He passed out with his head in my lap. I really wanted to hook up with him.
HS girl #2: You should’ve.
HS girl #1: I wasn’t gonna, like, rape him.

–87th & Lexington

Overheard by: thaler

Posted on September 24, 2014
Advice, Girls, Rape, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Girls

You Can't Teach Talent— or Enthusiasm