Chick #1: She’s never seen Titanic or The Godfather.
Chick #2: That’s why she can’t get laid.
–LaGuardia
Chick #1: She’s never seen Titanic or The Godfather.
Chick #2: That’s why she can’t get laid.
–LaGuardia
Guy #1 flipping through showbill: So, what else has Mary Poppins done?
Girl #1: Greg*.
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah — you know Greg from work? Apparently he did the chick playing Mary Poppins back when they were both living in LA. He lost his virginity to her, in fact.
Girl #2: Wait, wait — you know a dude who cashed in his V card with Mary Poppins? Oh my god, that is just all sorts of awesome!
–Intermission of Mary Poppins
Girl to man who held door for her: Thank you.
Man: I love you.
Girl to friend: Nobody in New York has any respect anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St
Overheard by: Elise C-K
Girl #1: Well, he only went out drinking that one time.
Girl #2: Yeah, and he got into a fight!
Girl #1: No, not really, he just knocked this guy out. That was it.
–Subway entrance, 14th St & 6th Ave
Girl #1: She isn’t picking up her phone.
Girl #2: Oh, she’s probably having sex.
Girl #1: Oh, yeah, you’re probably right.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: Trapped in Laguna
A man jumps onto the subway tracks to retrieve an item for his female companion.
Black teen chick #1: What is that guy doing?
Black teen chick #2: Is that a black man?! It figures that’s a black man! You gotta set a better example for our people!
–Borough Hall
Black girl: My daddy says I can’t fight her because she’s pregnant.
Wigger chick: Her face ain’t pregnant, is it?
–Subway bathroom, 4th & 6th
Chick: I’m interested in what’s now — that’s why I live in Williamsburg.
–Court & 3rd Pl
Overheard by: imitation rastaman
Hyper bus driver playing with overhead marquee while driving: I can set it to police bus, training bus… It’s like a microwave — what do you want? Corn? I like to change it to ‘Harlem.’ Then people get really confused. [Changes sign to ‘B6 Limited’ and comes up to bus stop. No one gets on bus.] What do you need, the B6? No? [Keeps driving.]
–B4 bus, Sheepshead Bay
Overheard by: tanechka
Smart guy: There is no West Side. There’s only Zabar’s.
–New York Palace Hotel
Overheard by: Emily
Hipster to another: You should totally move up to Harlem. It’s getting whiter.
–Union Square
Old lady to another: Yes, she’s still alive. She’s living all alone on the Upper East Side. Well, she doesn’t go out at all. You know she hates everyone, even Democrats.
–22nd & 1st
Frat boy with group of orange-tanned, fake-chested blondes: We gotta find me the Meatpacking District!
–N 4th St & Bedford Ave
Tween #1: Wow, that’s cute! He was gonna eat her booger for a hand job?
Tween #2: It was, like, a monster booger…
–Montague & Henry St, Brooklyn Heights
Girl #1: … And then I kicked him in the nuts. And, like, I drew blood.
Girl #2: Oh my god…
Girl #1: I know, right? So, I go to bed, and while I’m sleeping he writes ‘Best friends’ on my door… in blood.
–Barcade, Williamsburg
