Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: fingerling

Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: kalbijim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?

–Williamsburg

Posted on March 14, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Erections, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Horny, NYU, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

I Wondered Where They Came from

Girl #1: Why don't they just sell the rest of the land then?
Girl #2: I told you they're just using it all for douchebag farming!

–2 Train

Posted on March 9, 2018
Girls, Money & Class, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

On Appeal, the Court Reverses the Cookie Transaction and Remands the Name Issue to the District Court for Adjudication

Little girl #1: What’s your name?
Little girl #2: No!
Little girl #1: Want a cookie?
Little girl #2, snatching it and shoving it in her mouth: No!

–Sandbox, Prospect Park

Overheard by: braincurve

Posted on March 9, 2018
Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Kids, Parks, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Also What Freshman Orientation Is Like at Cornell.

Girl #1: Ugh, Brooklyn Tech is so odd. But the kids are mad cool. We're all like demented nerds. It's your typical urban Brooklyn high school, but with super-genius kids. Super-genius kids that ain't right in da head. But ya know, we kick ass.
Girl #2: Damn straight! Dem otha kids got nuthin on us.
Boy: Yo, you guys are whack! No wonder you are here.
Crowd of kids: Word!

–DeKalb Ave

Posted on March 8, 2018
Boys, Brooklyn, Crazy, Girls, Insults, School and studying

Until I Fuck You with a Strap-On at Intermission

Girl #1: I was so impressed with him! He immediately identified me as bi. No one else had ever done that before.
Girl #2: I know. When I came out three months ago, I called everyone I knew, and they were all surprised.
Girl #1: And here we are at Hamlet, sitting here in dresses! No one will ever suspect!

–Delacorte Theater, Central Park

Posted on March 6, 2018
Central Park, Clothing, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Sexuality, Theater, Theater & Dance

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dumbo, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.

–64th & Amsterdam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Target Store, Brooklyn

Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.

–28th & Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?

–61st & Amsterdam

Posted on February 20, 2018
Advice, Age/Aging, Asians, Brooklyn, Girls, Glad the Condom Broke, Insults, Jews, Kids, Latinos, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Sex, Store, Street, Teachers/Professors, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Lots of Flash Involved, I’d Imagine

Girl #1: So I want that job as a magician’s assistant, but I don’t know enough about webpages.
Girl #2: Oh, it’s a web design job?
Girl #1: No, I was gonna get cut in half and stuff, but he wants someone who can update his website too.

–L train shuttle bus

Overheard by: Harrison Hunter

Posted on February 19, 2018
Computer, Girls, Magic, On the Bus, Show business

You Vary Depending Upon the Light, Like Sarah Jessica Parker

Guy: Hey, you look pretty…
Girl: Fuck off!
Guy: Don't interrupt…pretty ugly.

–C Train

Posted on February 17, 2018
Beauty, Girls, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Only in New York, Physical appearance

Nina Was Happy ’til Pinta and Santa Maria Sailed Into the Party

Guy: Where did everyone go?
Girl: They’re all in the bedroom looking at Nina’s breasts.
Guy: Again? Well, I guess it’s not really a party until Nina’s boobs make an appearance.
Loud girl’s voice from bedroom: Oh my god, Nina, your nipples are perfect!

–East Village

Posted on February 16, 2018
Celebrations/Parties, Compliments, Default, Girls, Guys, Nipples, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Too Ashamed to Wear Last Year's Blahniks

Lady looking at another woman's Roman sandals: I don't like those Jesus-lookin' sandals!

–The Village

Girl: Do flats make your butt look big?

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Matt Morgan

Guy with faux-hawk: You know in Pee-wee's Big Adventure, after he loses his bike and everyone around him is riding bicycles? I feel that way with high-tops right now.

–14th & 1st

Overheard by: Heather

(trendy, skinny, Upper West Side woman on sidewalk is staring down at her feet and looking concerned)
Preppy 30-something boyfriend: I think your toes look better in those sandals.

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sushene

Girl: My uncle is gay, like, flying-out-of-his-loafers gay.

–W 67th & Broadway

Overheard by: magical-newyork.blogspot.com

Female cop to two male cops: So he's standing there, really well dressed, nice shoes, and all of a sudden he pulls out this big, big (voice drops) boner, and says "Give me the shoes!"

–Continental Ave Station, Forest Hills

Posted on February 11, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Cops, Coworkers, Farting & Burping, Fashion, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jesus, Movies, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Preppies, Queens, Questions, Shoes, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women, Words

Girls

Also What Freshman Orientation Is Like at Cornell.