Wednesday One-Liner Like an Egyptian

Guy on cell: I'm walking down St. Marks, and I'm having psychological issues. That's why I'm calling this NYU support number.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: A preponderance of hipsters can sort of do that to you…

Stylish guy on phone: No, I do not have time to check if anyone is gesticulating at me, I'm walking to Chipotle!

–Sock Man, St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Rachel Isadora

Thick-accented gentleman: You nevah saw that movie? Penguins walkin'?

–Smith & Wollensky's Steakhouse

Overheard by: kritta

Too-tan Columbia student: Oh my god! You should totally have picked up your phone the other night because I was totally ready to, like, walk by myself down 122nd Street to the d train, alone, at like, midnight! Even though I know it wouldn't have been very safe to do that, I was ready!

–Uptown 2 Train

Woman to another, holding the strings to 100 helium balloons: You never walk my balloons!

–Lafayette & Cumberland, Fort Greene

Overheard by: Brenda

Posted on October 6, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Film, Food, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Drunk Girls + Car + Velocity = Humor

Guy: I think you might want to get a little closer to the curb.
Drunk girl #1: No, you know, I’m okay like this.
Drunk girl #2: Stop, don’t be a bitch, he’s being nice.
Drunk girl #1: Sorry!
Drunk girl #2: Thanks anyway, but we won’t get hit by a car, because it’s simple mathematics. It’s impossible!

–23rd & Park

Posted on October 6, 2014
Advice, Cars and Driving, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity

He Won his Brain in a Lottery too

Guy #1, waiting for the Wicked ticket lottery: What happens if we both win two sets of tickets?
Guy #2: Ummm. Then we resell them.
Guy #1: I thought you couldn’t do that.
Guy #2: Only if you sell them for more than they’re worth. So we could sell these for $25 each.
Guy #1: Or we could give them away.
Guy #2: You do realize we’re paying $25 each, don’t you?
Guy #1: Uh… we are?

–Outside the Gershwin Theatre

Overheard by: did not win tickets

Posted on October 5, 2014
Guys, Idiots, Money & Class, Sports, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Theater, Wishes & desires

Ad: The Snack You Can Snuggle With!

Girl: Edible what?
Guy: Edible panties!
Girl: Hooray!

–45th & 5th

Posted on October 5, 2014
Fashion, Food, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Remember When I Ate That Mushroom And Didn't Get an Extra Life?

Guy #1, pantomiming a bowling motion: I scored a 263 on the Wii the other day.
Guy #2: You getting ready for Friday?!
Guy #1: Yeah!
Woman #1 to woman #2: I'm not sure it'll translate.

–Coffee Shop, Park Slope

Posted on October 5, 2014
Gadgets, Guys, Park Slope, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Stupidity, Women

She Had Mock-Resistant Implants

Dude #1: So they made fun of her?
Dude #2: No, no one would make fun of her, she had big boobs.

–Central Park

Posted on October 4, 2014
Body Parts, Central Park, Guys, Rack

In His Defense, They Were Alpha-Bits

Girl #1: Oh my god, I love my English teacher.
Guy: Why? He’s so old!
Girl #1: He’s so easy.
Girl #2: What? You guys had sex?
Girl #1: Nah! He passed me with a 90 and all I do in his class is eat
breakfast.

–G train

Overheard by: Faizun Nahar

Posted on October 4, 2014
Education, Food, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Sex & Relationships

Let's Whittle!

Chubby Hispanic guy: I got soap on a rope, dude.
Manly black guy: And I got scissors, baby.

–W 34th St

Posted on October 4, 2014
Default, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pick-up Lines

…Since My Hand's Already on Your Ass.

Guy to friend: Are you gay, man?
Friend: I'm not fucking gay, I just want to hold your fucking hand!
Hobo: I'll hold your hand, buddy.

–2nd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: Just wanted a milkshake…

Posted on October 4, 2014
Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Questions, Sexuality, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Posted on October 3, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Family Ties, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Poop, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prison, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Guys