Guys

Back to School, Wednesday One-liners

Guy: I want to go to FIT so I can hook up with girls.

–27th & 7th

Girl: I mean, I got shat on at Harvard.

–9th Street & 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Kamran Javadizadeh

Woman: Is there a special event going on at Columbia this summer? Because I’ve seen a lot of Asians around.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Carrie

Hipster girl: I mean, I’ve got like, over 160 facebook friends. Does that not mean anything?

–56th & 6th

Overheard by: Joyce Shen

Sociology professor: No one knows what the hell Derrida is talking about, but we all pretend we do anyway.

–Columbia

Overheard by: djlindee

Teenage Mutant Ninja Salmonella Isn’t Very “Safe”

Guy #1: Keep your wallet in your front pocket, dude.
Guy #2: This city would be so much safer if there really were Ninja Turtles.

–A train

Overheard by: Jake Glazier

It Takes Forever to Get Those Things to Come

Teen girl: This one’s kind of cross-eyed.
Teen guy: They’re porn star action figures. What do you want?
Teen girl: I want them to be just as hot as the real thing…and I want them to be glistening.

–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Place

How Sleeping with a Girl Can Still Be Gay

Guy: It was hot, I can’t even tell you.
Girl: So you guys slept together?
Guy: Oh yeah, it was hot.
Girl: ’cause I talked to her this morning and she said you guys just cuddled and stuff.
Guy: Yeah, yeah, that’s what I meant by sleeping with her. Y’know, spooning and shit.

–MetroTech Commons

Someone, Put Her in a Maze Against Flipper

Guy: So you’re saying tuna is really dolphin?
Lady: That’s why it says “Dolphin Safe”. It’s safe to eat even though it’s dolphin.

–Broadway & Worth

Careful, You Only Get to Use Him Once

Girl: Yesterday I weeded my terrace.
Boy: What?
Girl: I weeded my terrace.
Boy: Oh, I thought you said, “I needed my terrorist.”

–Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-liners, Jr.

Mom: Maybe if you listen to me more you’ll get to see Mr. Snap Crackles…Mommy’s going to call him now.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jake Glazier

Chick on cell :…and then the other day, I had a little baby! Yeah!

–116th & Broadway

NY Post guy: It’s been confirmed! He’s dead! Harry Potter is dead! Killed in a magic train bus explosion. Read it here!

–Penn Station

Guy: …and you can’t get birthmarks shaped like WB characters.

–Teany, Rivington St.

You’re Going to Be Dying in Brooklyn, Too

Guy: It’s so crazy, you know, leaving Manhattan.
Girl: I know, if you would have told me five years ago that I’d be living in Brooklyn I’d have laughed at you.

–L train

Overheard by: Benjamin

If You Axe Me, It Sure is a Secret

Guy: Where do you fall in the debate over wearing deodorant versus body odor?
Girl: Um, I didn’t realize there was a debate.

–70th & York

Seems Like Some Weirdly Localized Racism to Me

Girl: Did you just call him a dirty Guatemalan?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Are you sure you didn’t have the wrong number?
Guy: I don’t know what the fuck is going on.

–Chip Shop, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Domi

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist