Salesgirl: Hey. Wow, you look really bad!
Salesguy: Gee, thanks.
Salesgirl: It’s just that your eyes are all bloodshot. And your skin is kind of grey.
Salesguy: Oh, that.
–American Apparel, Broadway
Salesgirl: Hey. Wow, you look really bad!
Salesguy: Gee, thanks.
Salesgirl: It’s just that your eyes are all bloodshot. And your skin is kind of grey.
Salesguy: Oh, that.
–American Apparel, Broadway
Girl: Wouldn’t you prefer me to be conscious?
Guy: As long as I can play with your tits, I’ll be all right.
–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A
Obnoxious teen #1: Oh my god! You like her? She’s a whore!
Obnoxious teen #2: Ummm… She’s in my math class, you know. She’s really smart.
Obnoxious teen #1: Smart and a whore. That just means she won’t get an STD.
–Nail salon, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Samideluxe
Guy about movie being shot on street: I bet it’s a shitty movie.
Set assistant girl: I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir.
Guy: You’re a pain in the ass. How could you work for a company like that?
Set assistant girl: I’m sorry, sir.
Guy: You come in barging into our city…
Set assistant girl: The mayor gives the permits, sir.
Guy: Yeah, well, it’s a shitty movie.
Set assistant girl: Shut! Up!
–9th St & 5th Ave
Jerk in back row: Paul McCartney should have stopped after the Beatles. I mean, what the fuck else good did he do after that? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. He couldn’t go from point A to point B. What’s the shortest distance from A to B, again? Like, the hypotenuse of a triangle? He never found the hypotenuse without Lennon.
Annoyed man in front of him: Dude, the hypotenuse is the longest side. Now shut the fuck up.
Annoyed man’s girlfriend: That was so hot.
–Carnegie Hall
Hipster girl: If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Hipster bartender: Lord of the Rings.
Hipster girl: Okay, seriously — this is a safe place, there’s no judgment here, but you’re fucking retarded.
–Enid’s Bar
Hungover chick #1: I was so drunk last night I can hardly even remember counting down.
Hungover chick #2: Did we even count down?
Hungover chick #1: Yeah, idiot.
Hungover chick #2: When?
–Lyric Diner, 22nd St & 3rd Ave
Teen boy #1: You hit like a girl.
Teen boy #2: Yeah, well, you taste like a girl.
–110th St & Cathedral Pkwy
Drunk blonde: My roommate is so fat, every day I’m like, ‘Put down the fuckin’ twinkie, fatass.’
Suit: Uh-huh.
Drunk blonde: And then she just rolls over.
Suit: Yeah, I have the same problem with my wife.
–L train
Guy in BYU tee: Let’s just face it — no one we meet here will be normal.
BYU girl: Yeah, you’re so right.
–Washington Square Park
