Drunk blonde: My roommate is so fat, every day I’m like, ‘Put down the fuckin’ twinkie, fatass.’
Suit: Uh-huh.
Drunk blonde: And then she just rolls over.
Suit: Yeah, I have the same problem with my wife.
–L train
Drunk blonde: My roommate is so fat, every day I’m like, ‘Put down the fuckin’ twinkie, fatass.’
Suit: Uh-huh.
Drunk blonde: And then she just rolls over.
Suit: Yeah, I have the same problem with my wife.
–L train
Guy in BYU tee: Let’s just face it — no one we meet here will be normal.
BYU girl: Yeah, you’re so right.
–Washington Square Park
Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Who’ll gimme a dollar fo’ this kitten? I know one of ya’lls got a dollar fo’ this kitten. You?! You?!
Confused passerby: Didn’t you get that from the vacant lot behind you?
Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Shut up, fool! Okay… Fitty cent, then!
–West 153rd St
Overheard by: goofopet
Fag hag: Nuh-uh! She say yo’ mama old?
Young and fabulous latino: Shiiit. I was like, ‘Don’ even start with me, aiight? My mama had me whe she was 14! She was all like, ‘Uh… Uh…’ pushin’ me outta her pussy like I was hot!’
–6 train
Overheard by: Goofopet
Woman: And you know what’s worse?
Man: What?
Woman: All the demons are male. Always. I mean, how unfair is that? It’s fucking retarded.
–B75 bus
Thug: This is a fuckin’ Kodak moment, man [snaps picture of fellow thug with camera phone].
–Bleecker & McDougal
Overheard by: acep
Drunk ferry operator holding a camera: I am the shutterbug. S-H-utterbug.
–2 Toms Restaurant, Park Slope
Suit on cell: Hey, sweetie, I found your Army helmet in my car. Did you find my shirt? … Because you poured beer in my ear. Why? No idea — I was going to ask you. I can’t wait to see the moustache pictures.
–Wall St
Overheard by: Wants to see the pics
Chick on cell: I thought I told you to never call me again, and here I look down at my phone and guess who it is?! … After those pictures you sent me?!
–Bleecker & Hudson
Overheard by: Me, Myself, Personally
20-year-old thug to friend: Yeah, she’s the prettiest. When she’s sucking on my dick and looks up, you just wanna take a picture.
–Queens-bound E platform, 14th St station
Overheard by: Nikki W
Gold-digging wife to gal pals: I am totally not going to Vegas for Jenny’s bachelorette party. Can you imagine the photos that could potentially be used in a future divorce proceeding?
–Del Posto Restaurant
Angry black lady: I’m gonna 69 that motherfucker!
Friend: What?!
Angry black lady: I mean, 68 or 67 or… I dunno. Star 67! That way the bitch won’t know it’s me callin’.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: This is what makes New York City so great
Tourist fighting his way off the train: Look, people. You actually have to let us out of the train before you can get on.
Old guy: This is New York, son. A simple ‘Fuck you’ will do.
–Metro, 53rd & Lex
Thug: Hey, Ma, you are one fine piece of ass. What do you like in a man?
Chick: I’ll tell you what I don’t like: fat mothafuckas calling me ‘Ma.’
–23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Renee
Woman #1: Have you tried Lichido?
Woman #2: Is that a new kind of karate or something?
Woman #1: It’s a liquor.
Woman #2: Don’t you mean ‘kicker’?
Woman #1: Why do I talk to you?
–Astor Wines & Spirits, Astor Pl
