Kid: Hi! My name is Chris.
Employee: Hello.
Kid: What’s that on your head?
Employee: It’s a headset, so I can hear people talk.
Kid: Do they tell you secrets?
–Dunkin’ Donuts
Kid: Hi! My name is Chris.
Employee: Hello.
Kid: What’s that on your head?
Employee: It’s a headset, so I can hear people talk.
Kid: Do they tell you secrets?
–Dunkin’ Donuts
Dad on bike: Look at the ducks!
Excited little boy: Can we run them over?
–Central Park
Little girl: Daddy, let’s go in here!
Dad: No, that stuff’s not for you.
Little girl: But mommy went in there!
Dad: It’s a store for grown-ups.
Little girl: No it isn’t! They have baby bottles!
–Outside Fetish Shop, W. 4th & Cornelia
Old lady when boy gives up his seat: What a nice boy! Thank you!
Boy #1: Well, my mom raised me well. It was the belt — she only had to use it once, and then I just knew, you know?
Chick: Ohhh, yeah, for me it was a wooden spoon.
Boy #2: Oranges. She used to throw oranges at my face.
–2/3 train
Overheard by: Katie Koeblitz
White guy with dreads: Think about this — taking a shit is the one thing in which all people of all races, sexes and religions are truly equal.
Hippie girl: Not exactly. Some people shit on solid gold toilet bowls while others shit in a bucket.
Little boy at next table, standing on booth seat: I shit in my pants! Hahaha!
–Wo Hop, 15 Mott St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Two girls are looking at Bibles.
Girl #1: There are so many.
Girl #2: Get a smaller one.
Girl #1: I don’t really care how big it is.
Girl #2: The small ones are cute.
Girl #1: I don’t care. I just want it to be a good story, ya know?
Girl #2: I don’t even know what I believe anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Shannon
Employee to little girl with summer book list: Maybe this one? (shows her book)
Little girl: I've already read it in French.
Mother, in heavy French accent: Just pick one or I'm going to make you read The Graveyard Book!
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: I like Neil Gaiman…
Creepy hobo: Oh, you got some ice water, that looks good.
Preschool girl who has just pulled out water bottle: (gives him look)
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, put your water away!
Creepy hobo: She just wants some ice water.
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, do you know that man? Are you talking to him?
Preschool girl: No, he was talkin' to me!
Creepy hobo: We was just talkin' about ice water, nothin' wrong with that.
–N Train
Overheard by: Natalie
Four-year-old girl: Daddy, you love your Bourbon, don't you?
Embarrassed dad: Sh, sweetie…daddy's car is called a “Suburban.”
–Kings Plaza Mall
Loud guy: I can turn my dick into a Whopper with fries!
–MacDougal Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Small Indian boy: Penis! Penis! [His mother scolds him in Hindi.] … Penis!
–47th & 5th
10-year-old boy to friends: … And then he drew, like, three penises! And then I had to get home in, like, three and a half seconds!
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Hannah
Suit to another: Jesus Christ! It’s not my fault your penis drips!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sydney
Dude to friend: Let’s think of words that rhyme with ‘dick.’
–49th & 7th
Pre-med chick: We had this cadaver in lab that we called ‘Schlongo’ because his penis was a foot long. No, seriously, it was really a foot long!
–Bodies Exhibit
Overheard by: a.j.w.
