Kids

…to Buy Chocolate and Alcohol

Granddaughter: I spy… Grandma… You have to listen…I spy with my little eye, something that helps adults.
Mother: Chocolate.
Grandmother: Alcohol.
Granddaughter: No! Bank of America!
Mother: That helps adults?

–7th & Broadway

Headline by: Botticus

Runners-Up:
· “…In THIS Economy?!” – Pablo & Pablo
· “I Slept Wth a Teller Once” – Yoli
· “If by Help, You Mean Fuck and by Adults, You Mean Shareholders…Then, Well Played” – cmm
· “Sure, That’s the Third Person They Helped Off the Floor & Gave a Tissue Too” – tatts
· “Well, Maybe Not Where YOU Go, but I Get Mani-Pedis Everytime I Go There” – Anthony

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Gay Masons: Alright, Who Talked?

Little kid: No, you gotta do the secret handshake.
Friend: What?
Little kid: The secret handshake! [Stands behind friend and starts thrusting his hips against friend’s rear.] Boom! Boom! Boom!
Little kid’s mom: Josh, that’s not nice!

–65th & Broadway

I've Been Clapping Since You Were Born

Mother: Fairies like getting back in the pram.
Kid: I'm not a fairy!
Mother: Yes you are.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: ashleigh

What's a White Kid Go for These Days, Anyway?

Dorky little white kid: What happens if I fall in the tracks?
Dorky white dad: I guess I'd have to buy a new kid.
Dorky little white kid: That's beastin'!

–Q Train

Overheard by: that *is* beastin'

Or Just Tell You to Burn Things, Like My Voices?

Kid: Hi! My name is Chris.
Employee: Hello.
Kid: What’s that on your head?
Employee: It’s a headset, so I can hear people talk.
Kid: Do they tell you secrets?

–Dunkin’ Donuts

Just the Slow and Stupid Ones, Kiddo

Dad on bike: Look at the ducks!
Excited little boy: Can we run them over?

–Central Park

Oh Honey, Someday You’ll Have Kids of Your own to Baffle with Dungeon Antics

Little girl: Daddy, let’s go in here!
Dad: No, that stuff’s not for you.
Little girl: But mommy went in there!
Dad: It’s a store for grown-ups.
Little girl: No it isn’t! They have baby bottles!

–Outside Fetish Shop, W. 4th & Cornelia

Pop Quiz: Which One Was Raised by a Monkey?

Old lady when boy gives up his seat: What a nice boy! Thank you!
Boy #1: Well, my mom raised me well. It was the belt — she only had to use it once, and then I just knew, you know?
Chick: Ohhh, yeah, for me it was a wooden spoon.
Boy #2: Oranges. She used to throw oranges at my face.

–2/3 train

Overheard by: Katie Koeblitz

But My Underwear Is Solid Gold

White guy with dreads: Think about this — taking a shit is the one thing in which all people of all races, sexes and religions are truly equal.
Hippie girl: Not exactly. Some people shit on solid gold toilet bowls while others shit in a bucket.
Little boy at next table, standing on booth seat: I shit in my pants! Hahaha!

–Wo Hop, 15 Mott St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Then You’re Ready for Dianetics

Two girls are looking at Bibles.

Girl #1: There are so many.
Girl #2: Get a smaller one.
Girl #1: I don’t really care how big it is.
Girl #2: The small ones are cute.
Girl #1: I don’t care. I just want it to be a good story, ya know?
Girl #2: I don’t even know what I believe anymore.

–Barnes & Noble, 86th & 2nd

Overheard by: Shannon

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist