Woman: I’m sorry, I have to admit, I’ve been reading over your shoulder. I kept seeing the word ‘creepy,’ and I was intrigued.
Girl: Oh, yeah, it’s feedback from a writing workshop I’m in.
Woman: For a story you wrote?
Girl: Yeah.
Woman: It sounds so interesting based on what people wrote about it. I’d love to read it some day! What’s it about?
Girl: It’s a necrophilia love story…
–1 train
A DJ who has gotten too big for her britches finishes playing a Rubber Rodeo song.
Indie guy: Great song. So…you’ve got my info?
Miss DJ: Yes. I have your e-mail. We’ll be in touch.
Mr Bartender: If you’re going to be in touch with that boy, can I watch?
—Mondo, Bar 169
Hip woman: …then I slit my wrists–
Hip guy: Um?
Hip woman: –and he sucked my blood.
–5th Ave. & 19th St.
Ghetto girl #1: Damn, yo! What the fuck is up wit your left eye? It’s dumb red!
Ghetto girl #2: Nah, it ain’t even like that. There was a shootout.
Ghetto girl #1: You got shot in the eye? How the fuck…?
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah, he was trying to come on my mouth and missed and shot some into my eye.
Ghetto girl #1: Damn! Who the fuck he think you was? Jenna Jameson or something? Keep on doing that kinky shit, now look at your dumb fucked-up ass.
–Simpson Street station
Overheard by: schizo diva
Queer #1: Everyone’s tasted their own cum once.
Queer #2: That sounds like a line from a play.
Straight guy: Sounds like a shitty play.
–Osso Bucco, University Ave
Man: But I’m just not attracted to you. You’re like a sister to me.
Woman: But I’m not your sister. And besides, you know, me and my sister fooled around when we were little.
Man: Hmmm, let’s see. After this we could go get a drink, or I could go home and think about how much I’m not attracted to you…
Woman: I mean think about it…Hypothetical incest. Predetermined lust, undeformed children.
–Al di La, Park Slope
Girl #1: I bought him white eyelashes and white lipstick but I don’t know how much he’s willing to let me put on him.
Girl #2: Does he do drag?
Girl #1: Well, he used to; when he lived in San Francisco, back when he danced. But he did it more for the kink than anything else.
–Rockefeller Center
Queer arguing with boyfriend: I’m just saying, I think it’s weird you shaved your balls and bought porn the one night that I was out of town.
–Outside Bergdorf’s, 5th Ave
Creepster on cell: Yeah, I wanted to tell you that I have that girl ready… The one for the video… You can’t hear me? I’m on a bus, not an airplane! It’s not like I have a cigar in my mouth or anything, and you’re telling me you can’t understand what I’m saying… Yes, I have her ready for the video… The girl! … About twenty minutes… Do you have Viagra in your house? Well go get some! You need Viagra so you can be hard for our movie!
–M4 bus
Overheard by: Hoping the 3rd grader next to me wasn’t paying attention
Queer on cell: I saw the most fucked-up porno the other day. This guy took his boot off, then smacked this other guy in the face with it, then came all over the table, and then made the other guy lick it up… Oddly enough, I was turned on by it. So, if you ever want to smack me with your boot, give me a call.
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Man sprinting up subway stairs: Hey, man, where peep shows at?
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Brian
20-something chick: He says we’ll all be sleeping in a farm house with a pornographer at her wedding.
–Dallas BBQ, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Nipples
Wasted guy: Hi.
Cute girl: Hi.
Wasted guy: What are you doing? You look hot bending over like that.
Girl: Um, well, I'm looking for my jacket.
Wasted guy: Huh! I have a better idea. (slight pause) Why don't you come home with me and sit on my face?
(long, long, shocked pause)
Girl: You know what… you find my jacket, and then we'll talk about it.
–Tin Lizzie, Upper East Side
Overheard by: tinajane
Creepster: We’ll stick some rutabagas up there and, when we’re done, you’ll be wider than the Lincoln Tunnel.
Chick: Yeah… Wait, what?
Creepster: I don’t know.
–140th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ein Ladle
