Girl: Well, as a lesbian, it’s not something I understand…
Guy: You mean, she’s a size queen?
Girl: I didn’t say that…but I don’t get it.
Guy: I don’t get it either. I mean, I’ve slammed into someone’s cervix, and it didn’t look like that was too fun for her.
Girl: Well, I guess you have nothing to worry about.
–Under The Volcano, East 36th Street
January 31st sees the release of Overheard in New York, the book. There are apparently people out there who have lives and don’t read websites; now they can see for themselves what this site we all love so much is all about.
The book is perfect subway reading, and makes a great gift for Chicks, Dudes, Old ladies, Tourist moms and Crazy guys. And unlike
almost every other website turned into a book, we weren’t censored. You get the best of the best–and the worst of the worst!–as well as a bunch of quotes we saved especially for the print edition.
We’re very excited and hope to make this an annual tradition. It’ll be
like Zagat’s, but with hobos. You can order it here.
–Morgan & Michael (and 4 pages of contributors!)
Old woman: I was only a bridesmaid once, and the dresses were just impossible. The color was this menopause blue!
–Jojo, East 64th Street
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
Hipster girl: I though she was like, moving to Africa or some shit to save the children or something.
Hipster boy: Well that didn’t happen. She moved to Williamsburg to save the trendy from hurting themselves with accessories.
–Happy Valley, East 27th Street
Girl: Excuse me, is you popcorn kosher?
Counter guy: Um…I, ah, I dunno.
Girl: Do you even know what kosher means?
Counter guy: Hey, Geraldo. Is our popcorn kosher?
Geraldo: What the fuck’s kosher?
–Loews 84th Street Theatre 6
Guy #1: Dude, where’s your woman tonight?
Chick: Yeah, where is she?
Guy #2: She’s back in Ohio breaking up with her boyfriend.
–112th & Amsterdam
Man #1: I dunno, Richard Pryor was too…gross for me.
Man #2: Oh yeah?
Man #1: Yeah…Pretty good for a guy that did a lot of drugs, though.
Man #2: Yeah.
Man #1: You know what I just found out? Hunter Thompson did a lot of drugs, too.
Man #2: Really?
Man #1: Apparently.
–Associated Supermarker, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Gus
Hobo: Hey man, you got some change? I’m saving up for a bag of weed?
Guy: No! I prefer to pay for it myself!
Hobo: Yeah?…Well, I don’t!
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Girl #1: I have to go soon, I have a child at home.
Girl #2: Oh, an undead abortion?
–Hi Fi, Avenue A
Conductor: This is the last stop, New York Penn Station. All passengers must exit the train. Last stop.
Chick #1: Is this our stop?
Chick #2: Did he say Penn Station?
Chick #3: This is so confusing. It’s not like taking a plane, where you know your destination.
–NJ Transit train, Penn Station
