Mama thug: Don't stand by the doors. Sit down! You're gonna fall, and I'ma laugh at you. And you want me to laugh at you?
Baby thug: No.
–2 Train
Mama thug: Don't stand by the doors. Sit down! You're gonna fall, and I'ma laugh at you. And you want me to laugh at you?
Baby thug: No.
–2 Train
Mother: Shit, girl. You ain’t getting no more cheese for the rest of eternity if I got anything to do with it.
Young girl, crying: I hope I die.
Mother: Well, when you die, heaven help you, they know you lactose intolerant up there, too. So no funny stuff, understand?
–B63 bus, Park Slope
Overheard by: John Proctor
Mom to kid: You said you wanted a history book, what were you thinking?
Kid to mom: Like, “History.” Back in horse time.
–Bookstore, Greenpoint
Overheard by: eefers
Obese black woman, explaining 9/11 to seven-year-old daughter: We talk about this every day, honey. The ending's not gonna change.
Daughter: They put up the flag up after? Didn't it get dirty?
Obese black woman: Well, they kinda had more important things to deal with. They didn't have a washing machine there.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Six-year old girl: Mom! I want some triffles!
(tired mother ignores her)
Six-year old girl: Triffles, mom! Can I have some when we get home? Please, mom? I want triffles! Triffles, triffles, triffles!
Tired mother: What the hell is a triffle? I don't even know what those are.
Six-year old girl: Yeah. Me neither.
–Crown Heights
Overheard by: Now I really wanna know
Maternal woman to 14-year-old girl: My, aren't you looking sexy!
Random creepy guy: She ain't wrong!
–Bayview Place, Staten Island
Overheard by: now I want a mental shower
Little girl: I’m going to throw up.
Mother: You can throw up when we get off the train.
Little girl: [pauses] I love you, mommy.
–N Train
Overheard by: Rachel
Mom: I’m gonna throw you in the garbage! You’re driving me crazy!
Toddler slung over her shoulder: No, Ma! Don’t throw me in the garbage!
Mom: Then stop driving me crazy!
–Near Echo Food, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Yuu
Cute JAP talking about all the stuff she gets: I don't need a man, I have my mom.
–Rare View Bar
Overheard by: white guy
Blonde girl to male friend: Listen, John. Fifteen minutes, your mom. Fifteen minutes, your mom.
–R Train
Annoying 40-something new mom: A good mom always has a diaper in her pocket!
–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Coworker: I got a bootleg mother.
–Midtown
Window-shopping tourist to wife: Look, honey! It's the dress your mother wore when they buried her!
–Union Square
Overheard by: CJ
Guy: I go over to the house for Mother's Day and she yells at me for not calling her for Mother's Day like my brother did. So I go outside and call her from my cell and say "happy Mother's Day!" and she yells at me for being an idiot.
–37th & 7th
Four-year-old kid, picking nose: Mom! Mom! [Kid holds out booger.]Mom: Where the fuck did you get that? Your nose? What the fuck do I want that for?
Four-year-old kid: Ummm…
Mom: That’s fucking gross! Drop that shit! [Mom grabs kid’s wrist and shakes vigorously until booger is dropped.] Now, give me a chip! [Kid gives mom a chip with booger hand.]
–A train
Overheard by: Adam Tetzloff
