Little girl: Mommy, can I have ice cream?
Mom: No! Not until you finish your McDonald’s. Then you can have that ice cream.
–Atlantic Center
Overheard by: Ms.Zipcar
Little girl: Mommy, can I have ice cream?
Mom: No! Not until you finish your McDonald’s. Then you can have that ice cream.
–Atlantic Center
Overheard by: Ms.Zipcar
Male student: Hey, do you want to watch Harold and Maude later?
Female student #1: Is that the one–? Never mind.
Male student: Wait, what were you going to say?
Female student #1: Is that the one with the hippos?
Male student: What are you talking about?
Female student #1: One wore a suit jacket, and the other wore a little dress…
Male student, later: Wanna see Harold and Maude later?
Female student #2: Is that the one with the hippos? Did one of them have a hat?
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Olivia
Lady: Miss, would you please put that cigarette out?
Little person: Miss, mind your own business.
Lady: Well, I don’t need to breathe that. It’s not good for you.
Little person: Yeah, I hear it stunts your growth.
–Bus stop, Cross Bay Blvd & Liberty Ave
Overheard by: Vinnie
Five-year-old boy: Let’s play Spin the Bottle!
Friend with water bottle: Yeah!
–228 E 23rd St
Chick to distraught girl in bathroom stall: Hey, yo, girl — I fucked the bouncer, so I could get you some water if you need it.
–Off the Wagon, MacDougal St
Headline by: Hellespont
Runners-Up:
· “I also fucked your boyfriend, maybe I could talk him into taking you back” – Rudeboy
· “If you need a sandwich i’m gonna need a condom” – Chris
· “Mother Teresa; The Early Years” – rose
· “Skanks Develop New Currency in Response to Global Warming” – ilemanzer
· “So That’s Why They Call it Tap Water” – Jeff St Real
Mom: Do you want to watch Over the Hedge when we get home?
Four-year-old boy: Yeah! But we can’t have popcorn. We already had popcorn today and it would be too much salt.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dahlia
Clerk: What about this one?
40-something woman looking at skin-tight, black leather mini dress: Hmmm… I like it, but do you have anything with a little less leather for church?
–Orchard St
Overheard by: what kind of church does she go to?
Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!
–Stuyvesant High School
Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!
–Ave A
Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.
–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade
Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?
–W 49th & Broadway
Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…
–Washington Square Park
Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]
–8 train
Overheard by: Alex
Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.
–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival
Overheard by: I hate it when that happens
Hoochie #1: Let’s do tequila shots!
Hoochie #2: No way. The last two times I did tequila shots I did anal.
–Freeman’s
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Headline by: Evan Allgood
Runners-Up:
· “Correlation does not imply causation” – Devon Brady
· “Mexicans always come through the back door.” – Sean
· “Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady” – briguy
· “One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Whore!” – Queen Pia
· “Tell me about it” – Janet E.
Little girl: Look, Mommy! Those two girls are wearing angel wings.
Hipster chick #1: Actually, they’re fairy wings.
Little girl: Why are you wearing fairy wings?
Hipster chick #2: We just felt like wearing them for fun.
Crazy guy: Hey, ladies! Nice wings. You could definitely be my angels.
Hipster chick #1: Goddammit. They’re fucking fairy wings!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
