Five-year-old boy: Let’s play Spin the Bottle!
Friend with water bottle: Yeah!
–228 E 23rd St
Five-year-old boy: Let’s play Spin the Bottle!
Friend with water bottle: Yeah!
–228 E 23rd St
Chick to distraught girl in bathroom stall: Hey, yo, girl — I fucked the bouncer, so I could get you some water if you need it.
–Off the Wagon, MacDougal St
Headline by: Hellespont
Runners-Up:
· “I also fucked your boyfriend, maybe I could talk him into taking you back” – Rudeboy
· “If you need a sandwich i’m gonna need a condom” – Chris
· “Mother Teresa; The Early Years” – rose
· “Skanks Develop New Currency in Response to Global Warming” – ilemanzer
· “So That’s Why They Call it Tap Water” – Jeff St Real
Mom: Do you want to watch Over the Hedge when we get home?
Four-year-old boy: Yeah! But we can’t have popcorn. We already had popcorn today and it would be too much salt.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dahlia
Clerk: What about this one?
40-something woman looking at skin-tight, black leather mini dress: Hmmm… I like it, but do you have anything with a little less leather for church?
–Orchard St
Overheard by: what kind of church does she go to?
Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!
–Stuyvesant High School
Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!
–Ave A
Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.
–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade
Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?
–W 49th & Broadway
Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…
–Washington Square Park
Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]
–8 train
Overheard by: Alex
Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.
–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival
Overheard by: I hate it when that happens
Hoochie #1: Let’s do tequila shots!
Hoochie #2: No way. The last two times I did tequila shots I did anal.
–Freeman’s
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Headline by: Evan Allgood
Runners-Up:
· “Correlation does not imply causation” – Devon Brady
· “Mexicans always come through the back door.” – Sean
· “Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady” – briguy
· “One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Whore!” – Queen Pia
· “Tell me about it” – Janet E.
Little girl: Look, Mommy! Those two girls are wearing angel wings.
Hipster chick #1: Actually, they’re fairy wings.
Little girl: Why are you wearing fairy wings?
Hipster chick #2: We just felt like wearing them for fun.
Crazy guy: Hey, ladies! Nice wings. You could definitely be my angels.
Hipster chick #1: Goddammit. They’re fucking fairy wings!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Woman: Come here, sweetheart! You lousy fucking Puerto Rican scum!
–4th & MacDougal
Construction worker to another: Come here, I’ll buy you some food ’cause you’re my man. What, you want Puerto Rican food? They’ve got Puerto Rican food here.
–Burger King, 46th St, between 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Suit: Have you ever been to Croatia? They treated me like a god just for being Puerto Rican.
–M31 bus, between Madison & Lex
Dude: Nawww, don’t go to Puerto Rico. It’s just like New Jersey!
–Outside Caliente Cab Co.
Man to woman and her friend pushing a stroller: Listen, Jeanie, you like my sperm, and I like your car. I’m sure we can make a deal.
–60th & Central Park South
Firefighter after getting a call: Hey, boss, how many one-way streets do you think I can drive down the wrong way?
–Pathmark under Manhattan Bridge
Overheard by: tj
Midwestern woman in preppy clothes sticking head out passenger window of sedan: Excuse me, we’re trying to merge…
–Waiting to enter Lincoln Tunnel
Overheard by: Angela
Homeless musician with Casio keyboard plays entire intro to ‘Oye Como Va,’ then sings: Oye como va, ba da da, blah blah blah blah blah! [Abruptly stops] Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what you get for not having a car.
–L train to Williamsburg
Overheard by: Subway Goer
A well-dressed, middle-aged woman is being kicked out of a restaurant for inviting herself to sit at several other customers’ tables.
Waiter: Come on, you have to leave.
Woman: Baby, there is basically an aura about me. Would you care to venture through it?
–Restaurant, W 4th St
