Old woman: I was only a bridesmaid once, and the dresses were just impossible. The color was this menopause blue!
–Jojo, East 64th Street
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
Old woman: I was only a bridesmaid once, and the dresses were just impossible. The color was this menopause blue!
–Jojo, East 64th Street
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
Woman: No thanks, the shoes just didn’t look good on me.
Salesguy: Thanks for trying.
Woman: Uh, you’re welcome?
–Steve Madden, East 86th Street
Overheard by: Lucy
Old man: Is this bench for young people or old people? Because I only sit with the young.
Woman: It’s for everyone.
Old man: Well, since it’s Christmastime, I’ll sit with you.
–Roosevelt Island station
Overheard by: Suriya
Old lady #1: Even when they say “happy holidays” to me, I say “merry Christmas” back.
Old lady #2: Good for you.
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Kenneth Grider
Woman: So when is Christmas this year?
Man: Um. I think it’s on Sunday this year.
Woman: No, I mean what date is it?
–Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Megan Winget
Old lady: They are going to strike? They should put up signs fuckers! I see you looking at me you skinny bitch, fuck you.
Conductor: The doors are closing.
Old lady: Can’t put up signs but the fucker is telling me the doors are closing.
–F train
Hobo: Don’t worry about the strike, we’ll all fly to work! Flap our wings and fly!
–14th & 7th
Guy: I was there at the strike in 1980; I remember it well. It went on for two weeks. Of course, they could never have it that long now. The population of the city has doubled since 1980.
–Bowling Green station
Overheard by: greek goddess
Conductor: Shit, I’ll get nasty right now. I’ll pull the brakes, see how they like that.
–1 train
Overheard by: Priscilla Castillo
Tween boy: So how’s the strike going?
Bus driver: If there was a strike I wouldn’t be here, you moron.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Sara’s Hot
Old guy: Shit, I ain’t goin’ ice skating, I ain’t no motherfuckin’ ice skater. I’m a thug, I’m a motherfuckin’ thug nigga. Fuckin’ ice skater…L’il girl, you going ice skating?
–The Pond, Bryant Park
Overheard by: C.G.
Old lady #1: I have this paperwork that I need to fill out for my doctor and it asks if I’m allergic to any medications. Can I put down penicillin?
Old lady #2: No one is allergic to penicillin! How did you have an allergic reaction to it?
Old lady #1: Well, it gave me a yeast infection.
–6 train
Overheard by: Crystal Rodriguez
Old man on pay phone: If I see another nigger on this street, I’m gonna rip his dick off and eat it!
–Chambers & Church
Overheard by: Ziggy
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
Old lady: That’s the brownstone where Matthew lives with Sarah Jessica Parker. She didn’t grow up in the West Village, you know.
Old man: All that money they make, you think they’d never settle for a house that’s only 18 feet wide.
Old lady: Only skinny people can live there.
–7th & Charles
Guy #1: Well, to the west is Chelsea, down past 14th Street is the Village, uptown is Harlem, down past Houston is Soho; the Lower East Side is South past the Village.
Guy #2: What’s this area called?
Guy #1: I have no idea…
–15th & 2nd
Overheard by: Bucky Turco
Old tour man: This is Chelsea, where the homosexual male and homosexual female live. To the right you can spot an interesting haircut on that man. That’s called a Tommyhawk haircut.
–Gray Line bus, 14th & 7th
Overheard by: Hank Luxford
