Old woman: You still don’t have any Halloween candy, huh?
Old man: Valentine’s Day. It’s Valentine’s Day candy! Why do you keep calling it Halloween?
–Duane Reade, 62nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Charlie Davidson
Old woman: You still don’t have any Halloween candy, huh?
Old man: Valentine’s Day. It’s Valentine’s Day candy! Why do you keep calling it Halloween?
–Duane Reade, 62nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Charlie Davidson
Old man: You think Hillary Clinton could be president? You’re out
of your mind. Hillary Clinton couldn’t get arrested in a whorehouse with a fist full of fifties. She’s ugly, she’s stupid and she has a big fat ass. She’s like a Hitler in female. All right, I’ll stop now and be a gentleman.
Guy: Okay.
Old man: Any Democrat on this train who thinks Hillary Clinton could be president is masturbating in their mind. All one hundred of them.
Guy: You have a nice night.
–R train
Overheard by: Dave and Lauren
Old lady: Where’s the yellow incense for the dead people?
–Titan Foods, LIC
Overheard by: Evan C. Kirchmer
Man: Yo, the other day I see the F arriving as I’m coming down the stairs so I run in, just making it in on time. I hold the door for this girl behind me but I slipped and her head got caught in the
closing door. She turned her head like The Exorcist and just looked at me for a second and then starting screaming. And then other people started screaming while I tried to open the doors again. The conductor finally opened up the doors and she stepped in…and stood right next to me…and stared at me until Roosevelt Island. I just got out there and waited for the next train.
–F train
Overheard by: Lee
Yale guy on cell: Oh, you’ll like this. So, I hooked up with this girl this weekend, and got a handjob from her…But, the thing is, she had one hand…No, she had an arm, just no hand. And she gave me a handjob. With the other one…I started laughing when she started giving me a handjob, because, well…Yeah. The irony of the whole thing…Yeah, but she was real hot…Huge boobs…I think I’m gonna try and hook up with her again and see if she’ll rub my balls…Yeah, man, with the other one…The other…Yeah.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: rDave
Old woman: Man..Oprah done did it! Everyone loves that bitch, man. She was born barefoot in South Carolina and made it still.
Old man #1: Yeah, she’s cool.
Old woman: You know what she did? She done gave everyone who was in that hurricane Christina a five hundred dollar baby stroller! She good like that. I love that woman.
Old man #2: Did you see that book guy, what he did to her?
Old woman: Uh-uh, no, what?
Old man #2: Some guy wrote a cookbook on her show–
Old man #1: No, no, man. He wrote a book about being a junkie and being in jail and it was all bullshit. That guy Frey.
Old man #2: Oh…I thought the book was about cooking.
Old woman: Well, his name is Frey.
–Bridge Plaza Clinic, LIC
Overheard by: Willie Hellenbach
Old man: You are the most beautiful woman in the world.
Girl: Aw, thanks!
Guy: She has crabs!
–Times Square 1/2/3 station
Overheard by: Meaghan Stefaniak
Station lady: Go down those stairs over there, and the track is on your left.
Old woman: Where?
Station lady: Down those stairs, on your left.
Old woman: Thank you! I wish I had your job.
Station lady: You couldn’t handle my job.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: GregumsdaGreggy
Old Jewess: Where are you from originally?
Preggers: China.
Old Jewess: Oh that’s good, because you know everyone wants an Asian baby now.
–Filene’s Basement, 79th & Broadway
Overheard by: Barth
Old woman: My mother kept saying that she wants to have carpet installed over her stone floors, but I don’t think that’s such a good idea. She’s incontinent, and as I always say, “carpeting and
incontinence do not belong in the same sentence!”
–Office, 66th & York
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
