A boyfriend and girlfriend are making out publicly. She stares at his crotch.
Girlfriend: I think I see a suspicious package…
Boyfriend: Ooh, do you wanna detonate it?
Girlfriend: Well damn, not on the train, babe!
–2 train
A boyfriend and girlfriend are making out publicly. She stares at his crotch.
Girlfriend: I think I see a suspicious package…
Boyfriend: Ooh, do you wanna detonate it?
Girlfriend: Well damn, not on the train, babe!
–2 train
Yuppie: If we just let them kill the Jews we wouldn’t have this problem. Then we could buy oil for $6 a barrel.
–A train
Teen girl: Oh, this is our stop!
Teen boy: Well, it would be if we were on the right train!
Teen girl: If you don’t like it, you can just stop following us.
–1 train
Overheard by: Rachel Rappaport
A guy and a girl are sitting on one side of the train, talking. Another girl is sitting across the train.
Girl #2: Stop confusing her.
Guy: We’re not confusing her, we’re making fun of you.
–R train
Guy: So, I went on this audition, and they asked me, “Can you juggle and ride a unicycle?”. I mean, I can juggle, and I can ride a unicycle, but I can’t do both at once, I’m not a skills clown. Basically, my skill is falling. I can fall really well.
–A train
Overheard by: Berit J.
Girl: Mommy, what’s the opposite of hair?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Stuart Weisberg
Mom: Don’t you know this is the liberry, not the cry-berry?
–The Fordham Library Center
Tween girl: …and the one Winnie the Pooh had a nice body…
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Jason B. Schmidt
Guy: …if my wife and I spit at the kids, nothing happens…but if a llama does they burst into tears.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: J-Mo
British guy: Can’t be more worse than having a baby every six months.
–116th & Lexington
Boy: Mommy, how many hours are in a mile?
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: BBW
Lady: I come here every weekend. It’s my church.
–Manhattan Mall women’s bathroom
Overheard by: Dolly Lowenstein
Guy: She became a Republican to spite our father.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Woman: I really hate Bush. I can’t stand him. The world would be such a better place if he just died…But then there’s Cheney…
–6 train
Drunk guy: You wait right here, I’m going home to get my gun, I’ll be right back!
–23rd between 8th & 9th
Guy: This is the guy I got arrested with in San Antonio for pissing on the Alamo.
–LES party
Overheard by: Caz
Girl: Let’s make a baby.
Boy: What?
Girl: Well, not to keep or anything.
–A train
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen! We are temporarily being held between the stations. We will be moving shortly. We would like to wish you a happy 4th of July. As you all know, the 4th is a day for celebrating and drinking. Please remember: do not drink and drive! Don’t get me wrong, you can drink as much as you want but then you have to take public transportation!
–A train
Overheard by: Miss Babette
A relatively full car holds an empty bench. As passengers embark at each station, they head toward the empty bench. They recoil when they discover the pool of puke on the floor in front of the bench.
An Indian man embarks at Bedford Avenue, sits down in front of the puke, and puts both of his feet right in it.
Hipster: No, No!
The Indian slides his feet around in the brown vomit and looks down in horror. He gets up and looks like he will puke himself.
Hipster: Oh no, man, it’s best not to think about it!
The Indian disembarks at the next stop and changes cars.
–L train
Overheard by: Hairy Toe
There is a drunk guy passed out on the floor, laying face up in his vomit. 3 Black chicks get on the train. One looks at him and says: That nigga is so done for.
–6 train
Overheard by: Natalie
Girl #1: He went in for the hug, but tried to kiss my cheek.
Girl #2: He tried?
Girl #1: Yeah, but he sort of missed. He kissed my lady sideburns, instead.
–6 train
Overheard by: Sue
Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!
–3 train
Overheard by: Jose
