Geek #1: Yeah, like all of his swords are national treasures!
Geek #2: Whoa.
Geek #1: Yeah, in Japan, they’re like in museums and stuff.
Geek #2: Can you buy them?
Geek #1: National treasures! That would be like buying the Declaration of Independence!
–F train
Teen girl: I wonder what Marilyn Monroe does in her spare time.
Teen guy: Lie in her coffin?
–2 train
Hipster girl: Baby what’s that smell? Is that your feet?
Hipster boy: What? I don’t know, probably.
Hipster girl: Oh my god. The smell, I can’t take it.
Hipster boy: It doesn’t smell as bad as the old cooter did the other night when we were screwing. You didn’t hear me say anything when you shoved my face into that crockpot of bacteria.
–F train
Overheard by: Gracelyn
Guy: I’m doing a house in the Hamptons, but I only know one person, this one girl. So I get an e-mail to meet everyone for drinks on Thursday, and I look at the names and it’s girl girl girl, girl girl, Santos, girl girl girl…and I’m like, “OK, am I the only guy in this house?”. And she said there’s a couple other guys coming out for 1 or 2 weekends. So I’m like, “OK, all girls, that’s cool. Are they cute?” and she says, “Yeah, they’re all cute.” So I said, “Well, I’m not matching the first couple weeks, they’ll think I’m gay!” She said, “Yeah don’t match, they’ll think you’re gay.” So I’m not matching. Plus they’re going to see “Santos” and think I’m freakin’…card-carrying…freakin’…off the boat, just swam the…freakin’ Florida canal…from Cuba or something.
–V train
Overheard by: kt
Guy: So you started drinking young?
Girl: I started drinking at 11.
Guy: Wow, really?
Girl: I was smoking at 9.
–F train
Overheard by: Vito Delsante
A boyfriend and girlfriend are making out publicly. She stares at his crotch.
Girlfriend: I think I see a suspicious package…
Boyfriend: Ooh, do you wanna detonate it?
Girlfriend: Well damn, not on the train, babe!
–2 train
Yuppie: If we just let them kill the Jews we wouldn’t have this problem. Then we could buy oil for $6 a barrel.
–A train
Teen girl: Oh, this is our stop!
Teen boy: Well, it would be if we were on the right train!
Teen girl: If you don’t like it, you can just stop following us.
–1 train
Overheard by: Rachel Rappaport
A guy and a girl are sitting on one side of the train, talking. Another girl is sitting across the train.
Girl #2: Stop confusing her.
Guy: We’re not confusing her, we’re making fun of you.
–R train
Guy: So, I went on this audition, and they asked me, “Can you juggle and ride a unicycle?”. I mean, I can juggle, and I can ride a unicycle, but I can’t do both at once, I’m not a skills clown. Basically, my skill is falling. I can fall really well.
–A train
Overheard by: Berit J.
Girl: Mommy, what’s the opposite of hair?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Stuart Weisberg
Mom: Don’t you know this is the liberry, not the cry-berry?
–The Fordham Library Center
Tween girl: …and the one Winnie the Pooh had a nice body…
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Jason B. Schmidt
Guy: …if my wife and I spit at the kids, nothing happens…but if a llama does they burst into tears.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: J-Mo
British guy: Can’t be more worse than having a baby every six months.
–116th & Lexington
Boy: Mommy, how many hours are in a mile?
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: BBW
