Teen #1: We are going to 34th Street.
Teen #2: That’s on 42nd, right?
Teen #1: Oh, you are so stupid.
–1 train
Teen #1: We are going to 34th Street.
Teen #2: That’s on 42nd, right?
Teen #1: Oh, you are so stupid.
–1 train
Clearly-an-out-of-towner #1: Dude! I just saw Jessica Alba go into Red Lobster!
Clearly-an-out-of-towner #2: Whoa! Dude! New York is different than Wyoming!
–E Train
Overheard by: Lee
Guy: What is that?
Guy with net: One of those nets for cleaning out pools.
Guy: Let me guess. Pool boy costume? Porn-theme party?
Guy with net: Wow, yeah.
Guy: Been there.
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Argopelter
Headline by: Gary
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s How Me and Your Other Father Met, Timmy.” – Chris
· “Another Touching Father-Son Moment Brought To You By Wicked Entertainment” – Existance is Futile
· “I was just delivering pizza, but they asked me in, and, wow!” – Wasn’t invited
· “I’m not really black – this is toner from the “copier” scene” – Tom Dorey
· “Kato Kaelin: Career Counselor at Large” – Charlie
· “Of Course, I Just Bent Over and Went as a Life Preserver” – Keith
· “Porn theme party? I think I’ll just come in my jeans.” – Effing and Blinding
· “Really? You were an altar boy at St. Mark’s, too?!” – Dave
· “Ron Jeremy’s Sixth Sense” – s h
· “Watch out for a guy dressed as a milkman. He’s bad news” – gravy
· “When he was 6 years old, and watching his mother from the window…” – Nathan
· “Yeah, I went all out and got my CPR card.” – SNA
Drunken passenger: Someone farted up in here. Shit smell like AIDS, man.
–W Train
Guy: I hate coming-of-age stories.
Girl: Why?
Guy: They’re boring.
Girl: Yeah, but this one has boobs in it.
–F Train
Overheard by: kim
Overweight middle aged Southern tourist pointing to approaching train: Where is this train going?
Semi-annoyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
Quite-a-bit-annoyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
Deflated girl: It's… Never mind.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Melanie C.
Ghetto girl: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to bother you. I am not selling these things to raise money for my school or a basketball team. I am selling them to raise money for me. I have a half-drunk bottle of Sprite, 25 cents.
Ghetto guy: That’s got your saliva in it.
Ghetto girl: I am gonna be famous some day — it will be worth a lot of money.
–C train
Overheard by: eej
Six-year-old boy: The talent show is tomorrow.
Mother: Oh, are you doing anything?
Six-year-old boy: Yeah, 50 Cent.
Mother: Honey, that’s a little inappropriate.
Six-year-old boy: What does inappropriate mean?
–2 train
Overheard by: Ana Orellano
Standing dude: Yo, why are you staring at me?
Seated girl: Oh. Never mind. From the side, you looked like this dude I went to boarding school with. But you're not. I think he's on mushrooms.
Standing dude: I was on shrooms yesterday…
Seated girl: Scott?
Standing dude: Julia?
Seated girl: Shit!
–L Train
Girl #1 to friends on subway: I love sitting like this, we can all see each other… It’s like…
Girl #2, almost in unison with girl #3: It’s like we’re in a circle, yeah!
Girl #3: And you’re like, like, the point!
–5 Train
