Man: How do you get suspended on the first day of school in first grade?
–Lobby, Madison & 27th
Man: How do you get suspended on the first day of school in first grade?
–Lobby, Madison & 27th
Girl #1: Your room always smells so good, like coconuts and coffee. It reminds me of the Caribbean. What kind of candles do you have?
Girl #2: That’s not from a candle. The coconut is from the foot cream I use so my feet don’t stink and the coffee smell is there because I spilled some on my carpet and never cleaned it up.
Girl #1: Oh…where can I get the foot cream, then?
–Starbucks, 17th & Broadway
Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money?
–47th & 5th
Overheard by: Adam Bertocci
Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money!
–M14 bus
Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change!
–14th between 5th & University
Overheard by: theNJl
Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money.
–Starbucks, 27th & Park
Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson
Black teen hipster #1: Why are there so many white people on the 2 train this late at night?
Black teen hipster #2: Please. All these white people are getting off at 96th Street.
Train stops at 96th. The white people leave the train.
Black Teen Hipster #2: Watch ’em all scamper away!
–2 train
Well-dressed girl #1: You know what?
Well-dressed girl #2: What?
Well-dressed girl #1: Throwing up at work really isn’t as bad as it seems.
–Prince Street
Chick #1: …so, I got these laxatives.
Chick #2: Did you take them?
Chick #3: No, but I never eat. I have, like, one orange a day.
–Columbus Circle
Girl: It might be time for anorexia.
–Columbia University gym
Overheard by: djlindee
A woman can be heard vomiting in the bathroom.
Maitre d’: Did she drink too much or is she just watching her weight?
–Pastis, 9th Avenue
Overheard by: Initials
Girl #1: Oh my God, look at that lady.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Titty drip!
Girl #2: Oh my God. Go home and milk yourself.
–19th & 5th
Teen boy #1: Dude that sounds like someone trying to drown a dolphin.
Teen boy #2: Ha, ha, ha! Yo, they live in the water! They can’t drown!
Teen boy #1: I know, that’s why it’s so fucked up!
–58th & Lexington
Overheard by: Max Melsenti
Guy #1: What did you say?
Guy #2: What do you think I said? “That ain’t shampoo, it’s maple syrup.”
–1st between 74th & 75th
Overheard by: The Iron Lung
Teen girl on cell: …you just gotta sit him down and say we’re both pregnant by him and we wanna know if we can get along!
–Canal Street
JHS boy: Let’s make like a fetus and head out.
–Broadway & Washington Place
Drunk girl: How could I be pregnant? I like women!
–Times Square
Thug on cell: Nigga, how you been? Shit, I had five kids since I last seen you!
–Elizabeth & Prince
Guy on cell: Do we have to wash you and shave you and put a diaper on you before tonight?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: djlindee
Woman #1: I don’t care what kinda shit he was talkin’ about. That motherfucker was out of his mind!
Woman #2, motioning to small children nearby: Stop cursing.
Woman #1: Oh shit, I’m sorry.
–34th St N/R platform
Overheard by: jazzystar69
