Wednesday One-Liners Always Have a Date

Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peter L

Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.

–Christopher & 7th

Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!

–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn

Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?

–6 train

Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!

–Victoria’s Secret dressing room

20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!

–56th & 9th

Posted on January 31, 2007
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Colors, Dildos and Vibrators, Duane Reade, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Private Parts, Queer guys, Queers, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping, Store, The Village, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Own Kneepads

Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.

–Fashion District

Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.

–78th St & 37th Ave

Overheard by: Jillian

Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!

–2 train

Overheard by: Macaire

Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Jay

Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!

–2nd & 2nd

Overheard by: wishing i did soaps

Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.

–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium

Overheard by: did he get a receipt?

Posted on January 31, 2007
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, BJs, Black People, Eating Out, Homeless, Manhattan, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, School, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Topics, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Meet Refried Jean

Girl #1: I looove Mexican food.
Girl #2: Me, too… just not people ordering it while they’re having sex with me.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on January 28, 2007
Columbia University, Ethnic Food, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, People, Places, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Topics

Wasn’t This an Eddie Murphy Skit?

Hobo: You’re all a bunch of cheap people!
Conductor: This is Myrtle Avenue, Wyckoff Avenue. All the cheap people are getting off here.

–M train

Overheard by: Cait O’Connor

Posted on January 4, 2007
Conductors, History & Geography, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, NYC Geography, On the Subway, People, Places, Subway conductors, Topics

… But Seriously, Do I Look Fat?

Tourist kid to his brother: Shut up. There’s no such thing as a male anorexic. Right? And I’m not one of them.

–JetBlue Terminal, JFK

Overheard by: frequent flier

Posted on December 26, 2006
Airports, Anorexic, At the Airport, Brothers, Diet/Weight, JFK Airport, Kids, People, Places, Skinny People, Topics, Tourists, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners Are as Dumb as They Look

Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Francesca

White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?

–4 train

Overheard by: Gregorio

Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?

–D train, Grand Concourse

Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?

–Manhattan-bound F train

Overheard by: Josh

Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?

–Game Stop, Forest Hills

Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Andrew K.

Posted on December 6, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Business and Commerce, Central Park, Gangstas, Girlfriends, Girls, Idiots, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, Preppies, Queens, Questions, Shopping, Store, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, Time, Topics, Tourist Attractions, Venues, Video Games, White People, Words

I Have People Who Do that for Me

Pope: So you said 300 percent return?
Bee: Definitely, man — 300 percent!
Pope: So I’ll have my people call your people.
Bee: Yeah, let’s have our people talk.
Pope: My people will totally be in touch with your people, man.
Bee: Okay, dude. Then let’s get high.

–Halloween party, Brooklyn

Posted on November 26, 2006
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Business and Commerce, Holidays, Insects, Money & Class, Parades & Festitivites, People, Places, Religion, Stoners, Topics, Venues

His Translation Captures the Spirit of the Original

Chinese girl: [in Chinese] Your luck just ran out.
Black girl: What the fuck did she say?
Chinese passerby: You are fucked.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ting

Posted on November 24, 2006
Black People, Chinese, Language Barrier, Languages, Manhattan, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, People, Places, Topics, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Hallah Back

Chick complaining about looking for roommates: The problem with today is that everybody’s Jewish.

–Dobbin & Norman

Overheard by: Sam Tresler

Young quasi-gangster to friends: Even if you’re not Jewish, you’re, like… Jewish.

–Post-Yankees game on B train

Overheard by: Indiana

Tourist chick: How, how, how can there be no Jewish deli? All I want is a tongue sandwich and a fucking piece of pizza!

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: X-tal

Lady suit: Are you saying you’d rather be with a Jewish person than a wife-beater?

–18th & 6th

Overheard by: emily

JAP: Shiksas are totally not allowed on Jdate!

–71st & Columbus

Overheard by: DebDan

Chick in stall to friend: It must be a Jewish thing, but whenever there’s food around I have to eat it — even if I’m not hungry.

–Restroom, Loews Cinema, 11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Em

Queer: No, like, of course you’re not Jewish. I just wanted to check before I dissed the Jews.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: hilla

Posted on November 22, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dating, Ethnic Food, Food, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Internet, JAPs, Jews, Manhattan, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queers, Real Estate, Sex & Relationships, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Stall Spies, Suits, Topics, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Venues, Women

No, Although We Do Have a Slight Anxiety About Whackjobs Trying to Electrocute Us in Elevators

Lady carrying box: What brings you to the city?
British woman: We’re here looking at schools.
Lady carrying box: Well, are you concerned about electromagnetic fields?

–New Yorker Hotel elevator

Overheard by: Alyssa

Posted on November 17, 2006
Advice, College, Crazies, Elevators, Foreigners, Hotels, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Paranoia, People, Places, Tourists, Venues, Women