Yuppie #1: I really want a drink
Drunk Homeless man (to Yuppie #2): What are you reading?
Yuppie #2: I’m reading a book on sobriety.
Drunk Homeless man (looking over her shoulder): Oh
Yuppie #2: Yes, it’s also about drug additions..valium, etc.
Drunk Homeless man: Really that’s interesting
— Union Square Park
Customer: Is that banner going to be permanent?
Cashier: For a little while.
–Forbidden Planet
A young man apparently cuts the line at the PO.
Old Italian: Hey, there’s a line here buddy.
Young guy: I waited already, I got money orders.
Old Italian: I didn’t see you anywhere near the line.
Young guy: I got money orders before and now I’m mailing them.
Old Italian: We’ve all got orders. Geez, no one wants to wait on line any more. And now the guy’s serving him.
Young guy: Shut up.
Old Italian: Ah, get lost, you idiot. If I was five years younger I would put you up against the wall.
Postal Worker: Next.
Old Italian: How much to send this express mail?
Postal Worker: $13.65.
Old Italian: Maron.
–Bensonhurst
Woman upon seeing a Mariachi band walk by: Why do they have tambourines on their legs?
— Manhattan
Guy: Who would you rather have sex with? The girl with the lazy eye or the fat chick?
Girl: Lazy eye.
Guy: Yeah, she’s got a good body.
—Style Court Audience
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Man: Do you sell cannabis?
Florist: Cannabis?
Man: Yeah, it’s a plant.
–28th Street
Man #1: Are you calling me fat?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: Yo, Joseph. I want a chicken pot pie, too.
–KFC, Delancey St.
Two men walking arm-in-arm down 8th Ave. in Chelsea: “Wait, I don’t get it. You mean you want to date, like, girls?”
Tourist in Vancouver: Where is a neighborhood with lots of bars and cafes?
Vancouverite: The street with all the bars and cafes is…. [then points and gives directions]
Teenage guy: Dude, I just coughed up a little speck of blood. Do you think I could have another cigarette or is that a bad idea?
–68th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Cully
