Isn't It Great That We Can Talk Like This?

Black MTA employee guy: My brother is the conductor on this train.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Is that right? What's his name?
Black MTA employee guy: I don't know.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: You don't know his name? And he's your brother?
Black MTA employee guy: He's a brother from another mother. You know, kinda light-skinned, with freckles.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Oh, I know that guy. He hangs out with what's-his-name.
Black MTA employee guy: Yeah, right.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Stephanie Luke

Posted on August 23, 2015
Black People, Coworkers, Family Ties, Latinos, Names, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions

If The Facts Of Life Were Set Today, in New York

Overweight Asian lady: Excuse me, miss, I'm holding the pole, do you mind?
Black lady: I'm sorry, but there's nowhere I can move to.
Asian lady: Well, can you just please not lean on it? You're squashing my hand.
Black lady (looking at Asian lady in amazement at her audacity): What time is it?
Asian lady: I could tell you, if you would stop leaning on my hand.
Black lady: It's rush hour! If you're not ready for this go back to suburbia, bitch! This is what happens on an overcrowded train in New York City. Look at this bitch next to me, she barely fits in the door, and she's not complaining. You know why? Cause she accepts it. Cause it's a fact of life! And you takin' up the whole middle isle…shame on you…lose some weight…go back to suburbia. There's plenty of room there.

–L Train

Overheard by: that's right, rush hour is tight

Posted on August 23, 2015
Asians, Black People, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Insults, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Time

And We Don't Even Have Cars There

Black hipster girl being given directions: Huh? Crosswalk? What is a “crosswalk”?
Shop girl: Honey, I'm from Ohio and I know what a crosswalk is!

–Vintage Store, West Broadway

Overheard by: Murray

Posted on August 22, 2015
Black People, Clerks, Directions, Girls, Hipsters, Questions, Store, Stupidity, Words

Tonight's Movie: Crouching Cousins, Hidden Mommy

Girl #1: He used to travel all the way from Minnesota to see my mom.
Girl #2: Wasn't he married?
Girl #1: Yeah, and it turned into real big mess. Eventually, my mom got into a fight with all his cousins, and then stabbed his mom.

–Q46 Bus

Posted on August 21, 2015
Default, Girls, Marriage, On the Bus, Parents, Queens, Questions, Stab, Travel, U.S. Geography, Weirdness

Maybe I’m Squeezing You Too Hard (AKA Escape from the Port Authority)

Guy: Dude, is it just me, or does it hurt when you pee too?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Kris

Posted on August 17, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Guys, Idiots, One-liners, Pee, Port Authority, Questions, STDs

We Only Have the Ones That Make Them Ask Stupid Questions

Man: Hey, do you have any whistles? You know — the kind that shut people up when you blow them?
Clerk: No.
Man: Fuck!

–47th & Broadway

Posted on August 14, 2015
Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Store, Stupidity

Wednesday Off-the-Rack-Liners

20-something man on cell: I just bought another Transformers t-shirt. That means I am one Transformers t-shirt away from being able to only wear Transformers t-shirts.

–9th Ave & 45th St

Overheard by: Serena

Male art teacher: What's wrong with chiffon? If I were home right now, I would be wearing chiffon.

–Hunter College High School

Bar owner to college kid wearing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin' on a game show or somethin?

–Citi Bar

Overheard by: Lulu

20-something girl on cell: You should've known when you liked his clothes that he was going to be overly emotional. No one who dresses that good can hold it all together.

–Locker Room, Crunch Gym

Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, "Mike, it's a problem when you wearin' the same clothes as your daughter.'"

–5th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Sue

Posted on August 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bosses, Clothing, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Gyms, Home, Sweet Home, Hunter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Questions, Shopping, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, TV, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Jon Lovitz, Is That You Again?

Girl #1: Oh my gosh. I have to pee so bad. Do you think this restaurant will let me use their bathroom?
Girl #2: I don't know, why don't you ask?
Hobo, sunbathing in front of restaurant: Why, of course you may use the bathroom, young lady. But you will have to pay $5.
Girl #1: How do you know?
Hobo: Because this is my restaurant and I own this building.
Girl #2: I find that hard to believe.
Hobo: Look, you can believe me or not, but if you don't pay me the $5 fee, I'm going to expose my golden privates to you. Either way, I come out on top, you see?
Girl #2: Unbelievable! (walks away)
Hobo: Why, thank you.

–Times Square

Posted on August 13, 2015
Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Pee, Private Parts, Questions, Times Square

That, or a Botched Suicide Attempt

Middle aged woman: When you hear him say that, you just grab some cake and ice cream.
Younger woman: Why?
Middle aged woman: Because that means he just dumped you…and you'll need to gain some weight to make him feel like asshole.

–Central Park

Posted on August 13, 2015
Breaking Up, Central Park, Diet/Weight, Food, Questions, Women

And by That I Mean, “Why Do You Hate Freedom?”

Guy #1: I told the manager they need to start recycling.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: Cuz they don't recycle.
Guy #2: So what!?

–41st & 7th

Posted on August 13, 2015
Advice, Animals & Nature, Guys, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity