Girl#1: And he was all like, “Boo hoo, I wish you were here to take care of me. Come snuggle.”
Girl#2: Aww! That’s sweet.
Girl#1: Ew! No it’s not! [after rolling eyes and taking sip of coffee] that’s what his fucking wife is for…
Girl#2: I… Do you hear yourself?
Girl#1: Fuck you!
–NYU
Conductor #1: This is 34th Street. Transfer is available to the B, Q, D…B…Q…Penn Station…D–
Conductor #2: Move over. D, Q, N, R. Stand clear.
–F train
Overheard by: Cole Couture
Hipster: Did the train just pass 28th street?
Woman: Yes, it went express, but you could get off at 14th and switch to the uptown train.
Homeboy: Or you could take your chances, break the window with a crowbar and jump out now.
–1 train
Overheard by: Hayley
Man: This won’t do. All bad smelling people get the hell off the train.
At the next stop most of the car clears out.
Man: That’s what I’m talking about.
–A train
A Black kid and his Hispanic girlfriend are arguing on the train. The kid is holding her in the seat and she is trying to rip off his shirt. The entire car is watching, as if it were a car wreck.
Hispanic girl: You’re always showing off!
Black kid: What?
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black kid: Stop it!
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black passenger guy: Man, why’s it always gotta be our people pulling this shit? You never see White people pulling this shit. You never see Chinese people pulling this shit. Man!
–C train
Two women were sitting next to each other, one clearly from New York, the other not. The tourist woman gestured with her chin at the conductor’s booth and asked: Is that the bathroom?
–A train
Guy: I am sapien-sexual. That means I am into minds, not bodies!
Bimbette: I’ve never been into vocabulary.
–11th & University
Overheard by: Maggie
Hell's kitchen gay #1: Is it too weird that my boyfriend and I dated the same guy?
Hell's kitchen gay #2: Uhh…
Hell's kitchen gay #1: Well, I broke up with Jake, and then Jake broke up with Travis, and then Travis and I got together.
Hell's kitchen gay #2: Well at least you were all broken up first.
–53rd & 8th
Woman: But I thought you said it was okay if we slept with other people?
Man: No, I didn’t! Why the fuck would I say that?!
Woman: Wasn’t that you? I guess not.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
B&T girl: I am going to ask you one more fucking time and then things between us are over. Give me one fucking cigarette!
Boyfriend takes out one cigarette and throws it on the sidewalk.
B&T girl: Thank you!
–33rd St & Third Ave
Overheard by: HelloClairice
Girl #1: So I'm hooking up with two guys named Nick…bad idea.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Well I gave Nick #2 my number and I got a text from someone who I thought was Nick #2. Turns out it was Nick #1 all along.
Girl #2: What happened?
Girl #1: So I went to Nick #2's house, assuming it was him from the text. I got there, and it's two girls sitting in the bed, Nick's friend and Nick, all in pajamas. Nick #2 pulls me aside, asks what I'm doing there, and I showed him the texts. It wasn't him, it was Nick #1, from his friends phone.
Girl #2: Looks like you're back to just one Nick now!
–Metro North, Stanford Line
Overheard by: Girl 3
Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.
–Elephant & Castle, West Village
Man #1: You have a girlfriend?
Man #2: Yes.
Man #1: She knows you're gay?
Man #2: Yes.
–Financial District
Teen girl #1: So, my boyfriend told me that if I didn’t have sex with him, he’d break up with me. So I did, but then he broke up with me anyway. I don’t understand!
Teen girl #2: Well, maybe you were really bad at it.
–43rd & 7th
