Upper East Side mom #1: So then I go twice a week over to the JCC, and after I get back I take them.
Upper East Side mom #2, looking disgusted: You mean the JCC on the West Side?
Upper East Side mom #1: Yes.
Upper East Side mom #2: Oh my god! You are a dedicated mother.
–Dalton Physical Education Center, 87th & 3rd
Overheard by: West Sider
Teacher: And then Jesus went to Bethlehem…
Student: Miss, how do we know you’re not just making this all up?
–Primary school
Bimbette: Not a lot of people do meth anymore. It’s like one in ten million.
Guy: What?! It’s like the crack of the Midwest. Everyone does it.
Bimbette: No, it only seems like that because they’re all in one state.
Guy: Which one?
Bimbette: Oklahoma.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Is Kathy Ireland, the designer, one of them?
Ballerino: Everyone’s a little bi, you know.
–Juilliard cafeteria
Chick: girl: I’m starting to get a crush on my boss because she sometimes looks like a man.
–F train
Girl: …and he stuck it so far up my ass, I couldn’t sit down the next day.
–Times Square
Girl #1: You won't believe this. He was in the shower.
Girl #2: So?
Girl #1: He wasn't wearing a hat.
Girl #2: Oh my god!
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.
–1 train
Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.
–96th St station
Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?
–Sushi restaurant, Soho
Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.
–E 61st & Lex
Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.
–E 23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Jake
Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.
–Leon M. Goldstein High
Overheard by: Hand-banana
Lady, seeing long line for toilet: What a long line! Is there anyone in the men's room? I'll use it, why not? It's the same! (Knocks on door, gets no answer. Opens door)
Lady: Woooooo! The smell!
(stands there for 30 seconds with grimace, complaining)
Poor little boy, coming out of bathroom, in shaky voice: There's… There's no one else in there.
–School, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
Teen: I'm 14 years old and I'm still a virgin…how sick is that??
–Simon Baruch Middle School
Overheard by: the art major
Random old guy: The only thing I like more than children is more children.
–Barnes & Noble, 83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Maianess
20-something guy to friend, casually: Oh, yeah, and the high school girl doesn't want a relationship.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: rachelandkaceyfuckup
Hipster girl to a group of friends: I can't date him. It would be like dating a kid, and not like in a really good way. (awkward silence) Uhm, not that there is a really good way to date a kid.
–Grand Central Station
Guy: You can do that to a girl but you can't do that to a guy! That's child molestation!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: inching away
Professor: Did I ever tell you? I used to work at a carnival operating the kiddie rides. (laughs) And no! I never became a pedophile!
–Wagner College
Overheard by: good to know
