Happy guy looks at two happy girls: Aah, look how happy they are! That is how it’s supposed to be around here.
Unhappy guy looks at two happy girls: They look too happy, considering they’ve probably contracted multiple STD’s just this week.
Happy guy: So you’re not happy today?
–Union Square
Old guy: The Viagra’s working!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Robb Briggs
Black teenage girl on cell: I don’t care if he is a skinny white dude. I’m telling you right now, as long as I don’t have my period I’m gonna screw that cracker.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Suit: So what you really need to do is put together a social networking site for dogs.
–Barfly, 20th & 3rd
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Woman: I swear, my parents are only coming to visit so they can see my dog. Honest!
–Searchlight, 11th & University
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Conductor: Will the man with the small dog in the plastic bag please leave the train. That is not a safe way to be transporting a dog. Thank you.
–Bay Head Train
Guy riding past on a bike, yelling into his cell: Baby! If the dog is talking, that means one of two things…
–24th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: But it's not just any day of the year! It's Yom Kippur! (listens) Fuck you, Dave! Fuck you, and fuck your dog!
–Prince St
Overheard by: elle
Woman in elevator on cell (coming from attorney's office): You won't believe what he did! First he staged photos of me in bed with a dog. Then I turn the page and it's me in bed with my next door neighbor!
–Vesey St
Guy #1: I think I’d come in third.
Guy #2: Why third? Why not first or second?
Guy #1: I don’t know, I probably don’t have the biggest, but it isn’t the smallest either, so I figured third.
Guy #3: Wait, then whose dick do you think is the smallest?
Guy #1: I don’t fucking know! I just don’t think I have the smallest, so I’m sure I beat one of you motherfuckers.
Guy #4: Dude, sounds like you got a small dick.
–24th & Lexington
Overheard by: paul10003
Visitor lady #1: What was the name of your vibrator? Was it Pedro or Paco?
Visitor lady #2: No, it was my first one: Sergei.
Visitor lady #1: What? Why did I say Pedro? Where did that come from?
Patient guy: …My first goat‘s name was Pedro.
–Mount Sinai Rehabilitation Center, Gustave Levy Place
Overheard by: Lindroid
Woman looking at BlackBerry: I'm ovulating.
(friend nods)
Woman looking at BlackBerry: So I just need to have sex today.
(later, with little boy)
Woman: Hey, honey!
–Central Park Petting Zoo
Drunk woman: I just went from good drunk to bad drunk. I don't even want to have sex anymore.
Drunk man: I don't even think I'd know how.
–Outside Bar
Overheard by: diana
Drunk guy #1: You know Fabrizio is banging Heather, right?
Drunk guy #2: No, really?
Drunk guy #1: Yeah, he’s bangin’ the shit out of her — throwing her around the room and shit.
Drunk guy #2: Hehehe.
Drunk guy #1: He had her at her parents’ house and went for six hours non-stop.
Drunk guy #2: Wow.
Drunk guy #1: Of course, he’s 23 years old. For me to go six hours non-stop I need a little blue help. You know, some blue help — especially with all the stuff I do [holds hand up to nose simulating doing a bump], y’know what I mean? [Suddenly turns to lady with Lord & Taylor bag] Lord and Taylor — that place is the best. It’s just like Neiman Marcus, but for a hundred bucks more you get a cappuccino and a shoe shine. It’s worth it, right?
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: Leticia
Old Jewish lady #1: That’s a gorgeous ring. What is that, 5 carats?
Old Jewish lady #2: Yes. I’m going to give it to my granddaughter when she turns 16. Maybe 18. As long as I know she’s still a virgin.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Stephanie
