Conductor: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Would Isaiah Santiago please step off the train? The police are waiting for you.
–1 train
Overheard by: gordon gartrell
Conductor: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Would Isaiah Santiago please step off the train? The police are waiting for you.
–1 train
Overheard by: gordon gartrell
Conductor: …Transfer available here to the F, V, N, Q, R and W. Next stop: New Jersey. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–B train
Overheard by: comicgirl
Tween girl: The thing most people don’t get about techno is, it’s so emotional.
–76th & 2nd
Overheard by: Rachel
Teen girl: God, you are so self-conscious sometimes I want to punch you in the face.
–A train
Overheard by: Niki
Girl: I accidentally bent my MetroCard and now it won’t swipe.
MTA guy: How do you accidentally bend it?
Girl: Um, I didn’t mean to…
MTA guy: Did you want me to replace this card with a new one that’s not bent?
Girl: Yeah, that would be great.
MTA guy: Because we don’t do that.
–Wall Street 2/3 station
Conductor: Local, this is a 7 local. 33rd Street next.
Loudspeaker: Attention Flushing-bound 7 train. You are not a local. You are an express train. Your next stop is 61st-Woodside. Now let the people in and close your doors.
–Queensboro Plaza 7 station
Overheard by: and hearts semicolon
Conductor: The man in the yellow hat, please get off the train. We
don’t take passengers at Fordham.
Woman: Isn’t that Curious George’s owner?
–Metro-North
Crazy codger: I’m on the sex train. Wooha.
Conductor guy: Tickets, please.
Crazy codger: We’re all gonna have fucking sex!
Conductor guy: Tickets.
Crazy codger: What the fuck do you want? Sex?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dan
The train has been sitting with its doors open.
Conductor: PA system test.
A dude leans out the door and yells to the conductor.
Dude: It’s working, now can we get a fucking move on?
Conductor: Everyone, it’s going to be a few more minutes while that guy thinks about what he’s said.
–Q train
Man: Yo, the other day I see the F arriving as I’m coming down the stairs so I run in, just making it in on time. I hold the door for this girl behind me but I slipped and her head got caught in the
closing door. She turned her head like The Exorcist and just looked at me for a second and then starting screaming. And then other people started screaming while I tried to open the doors again. The conductor finally opened up the doors and she stepped in…and stood right next to me…and stared at me until Roosevelt Island. I just got out there and waited for the next train.
–F train
Overheard by: Lee
