Guy: Thanks, ma’am.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “ma’am?”? Do I look like a ma’am? I don’t look that old, do I?
Guy: No, no; “ma’am” is a sign of respect, not age.
Teenage cashier: Okay, then.
Guy: Uh, thanks, hot mama.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “hot mama”?
–Gourmet Garage, Broadway
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Mother: So, if you could be any animal, which do you think would represent you the best? I think a horse fits you.
Daughter: What? A horse? No. I want to be a unicorn.
Mother: You’re mentally ill.
–Balthazar, Spring & Crosby
Overheard by: apples
Salesguy #1, about teen crowd blocking the door: Do you want to tell them to leave?
Salesguy #2: No.
Salesguy #1: Why not?
Salesguy #2: Because I don’t want to get my ass whooped, that’s why! [Teens leave a few minutes later.] See, they’re gone! It’s all in the power of positive thinking!
–T-Mobile Store, 732 Broadway
Black guy: Who we going to see?
Asian guy: Andy. Not black-Andy, white-Andy.
Black guy: White-Andy? …You mean Asian-Andy?
Asian guy: Oh, yeah, Asian-Andy.
–29th & Broadway
Overheard by: Brian
Girl #1: His Irish accent is so heavy.
Girl #2: I know.
Girl #1: All I could make out were the words ‘actor’ and ‘single,’ but we’ll work the rest out later.
–Stitch Bar & Lounge
Hobo: Can you spare some change?
White girl: What? Why don’t you ask anyone else around here? What is this, “Ask the White Girl Day”?
–Bushwick
Gum-chewing chick #1: He should get life for what he did.
Gum-chewing chick #2: Life? He should be executed!
Gum-chewing chick #1: That’s what I mean! He should get life!
Gum-chewing chick #2: That’s not what “getting life” means. “Getting life” means you go to prison for the rest of your life. Don’t you know anything?
Gum-chewing chick #1: Well, I don’t read the papers or watch the news…
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Johnny Drongo
Bassist: This is going to Jersey, right?
Bandmate: Yeah, no one would let us go this far if we weren’t.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re going to Hoboken.
Bandmate: Is Hoboken a city?
Bassist: No, it’s a street or avenue.
Bandmate: Hoboken Street, yeah.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re definitely going to Jersey. Someone would tell us if we weren’t.
–Crowded Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: brooklyn3
Guy on cell: …I’m fine, really. It was not a good time to come to London, though. The police are all running around looking worried. I should be back in New York in a few days.
–Duane Reade, Broadway & 84th
Overheard by: kenny
Out-of-town poser #1 looking at Condoleezza Rice painting: Look, they painted Satan!
Out-of-town poser #2: Shhh! Someone’ll hear you!
Out-of-town poser #1: Pshaw. I don’t have to be quiet in New York City. Everyone agrees with me.
–MoMA
