Talking/Convos

Why Is This Girl Riding the Subway?

JAP: Oh my god, I can’t wait to move into the city. I can’t take my house anymore, my parents are always up my ass. Gabby, what time will you be home? Gabby, don’t forget to tell Rosa to pick up your dry cleaning! Gabby, we’re paying your tuition, you can’t treat this house like a hotel! It’s so annoying! I just wanna be on my own, I can take care of myself, I don’t need them constantly doing stuff for me!
Friend: Yeah… So where were you thinking of moving?
JAP: I dunno, my dad said he might let me move into his apartment on 89th. Either that, or a partner at his firm is selling a co-op that he might buy for me. He said I can choose.

–Uptown W train

Those Monies Have Been Earmarked for the Tardlympics

Guy #1: I hate this next fucking station. It’s covered in black mold.
Guy #2: That shit’s deadly. It smells like burnt chocolate.
Guy #1: Instead of spending 8 billion dollars trying to get the Olympics, why don’t they spend 8 thousand dollars and fix the fucking ceiling at the goddamn 59th Street station?

–N train

I Knew La Cosa Nostra Had to Be Involved

Little girl: Hey! Come over here!
Coffee guy: I can’t! I’m working! Why don’t you come over here?
Little girl: I can’t! I’ve got family here!
Manager lady: Hey, so does he! All our workers are family here!

–Starbucks, Union Square SE

Overheard by: Chris R

He’s Back. And This Time, He’s Fabulous!

Woman #1: How old do you think I am?
Woman #2: I don’t know…
Woman #1: I’m 46.
Woman #2: 46? Really? You look so young!
Woman #1: That’s Jesus.

–Fresco Tortilla, 52nd & 9th

But That Cab Fare to Mars is Ridonkulous

Girl #1: That place is so off the hook.
Girl #2: I totally need to go. What days is it open?
Girl #1: Yo, every day. Like 400 days a year.

–77th Street R station

But Now I Won’t Let You Use It

Dude #1: Can I borrow your box cutter?
Dude #2: Oh, ’cause I’m a Puerto Rican I must have a box cutter?
Dude #1: Do you?
Dude #2: Well, yeah.

–25th & Broadway

Overheard by: Schatzie

According to the Hannibal Lecternary Catechesis

Guy #1: Yeah… And then it always grosses me out when they split the skull open and eat the brains.
Guy #2: The brains are the best part.
Guy #1: Yeah, I guess that’s what Easter is all about.

–Mama Bell’s Pizza, Bayside

Overheard by: sara swank

Let’s Not Introduce the Spouses, Okay?

50-year-old man: God, I haven’t see you since we were, what, 21?
50-year-old woman: What was it, 1980? Somewhere around there?
50-year-old man: Remember that Frank Zappa concert we went to at Stonybrook in 1978?
50-year-old woman: Yeah, and who got you those front row seats, motherfucker? Me! I stood on line for 24 hours so I could be the first in line for tickets.
50-year-old man: Remember he pulled you up on stage to sing with him?
50-year-old woman: Sure!
50-year-old man: Well, I have a recording of that. I had a little tape recorder in my pocket and I taped the whole show.
50-year-old woman: You’re gonna make a copy of that tape, aren’t you? I gave you your very first blowjob, remember?
50-year-old man: Believe me, I remember it in every exquisite detail. Yeah, that’s worth a copy of a tape.

–Sardi’s

Overheard by: Big Larry

That’s Mistress Mayhem to You

Guy: Thanks, ma’am.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “ma’am?”? Do I look like a ma’am? I don’t look that old, do I?
Guy: No, no; “ma’am” is a sign of respect, not age.
Teenage cashier: Okay, then.
Guy: Uh, thanks, hot mama.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “hot mama”?

–Gourmet Garage, Broadway

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Why Is She Telling Her Daughter a Horse ‘Fits’ Her?

Mother: So, if you could be any animal, which do you think would represent you the best? I think a horse fits you.
Daughter: What? A horse? No. I want to be a unicorn.
Mother: You’re mentally ill.

–Balthazar, Spring & Crosby

Overheard by: apples

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