Dude #1: Whoa, this year is double-oh-seven.
Dude #2: That’s so freaking cool.
Chick: I don’t get it. How is that cooler than last year being double-oh-six?
Dude #1: Because Alec Trevelyan was a dick.
Dude #2: … Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
–Carlyle Court, 25 Union Square West
Guy, about man on Bluetooth ear piece: Man, look at that guy. He’s nuts.
Girl: Oh, geez. He’s just on the phone.
Guy, to Bluetooth man: Are you crazy? She doesn’t think so.
–Near City Hall
Overheard by: Matt
NYU girl #1: Okay, so we’re all really, really mad at Paul.
NYU girl #2: What’d he do?
NYU girl #1: Nothing, but it’s us versus him.
–Hayden Residence Hall, Washington Square
Guy: You know, I can never be in the Air Force.
Girl: Well, not really. There’s always the whole ‘Don’t tell’ thing.
Guy: But it’s on my record!
Girl: What? Did you have to file for your gay card or something?
Guy: … I meant because of my bad vision!
–Metro-North train
Brooklyn guy #1: Let me tell you something…
Brooklyn guy #2: No, don’t even bother.
–B100 bus, Marine Park
Overheard by: vaughn
Young woman: You felt me up while I was asleep!
Lying man: How do you know, if you were asleep?
Young woman: You stuck your fingers in my pussy while I was asleep!
Lying man: Why would I do that? There’s nothing in there that I was looking for.
Lying man’s lawyer: Come on, don’t argue with her.
Young woman: If they find your fingerprints in my pussy you’re going to jail, motherfucker!
Lying man, taunting: What if I wore gloves?
Young woman: Hear that? He confessed!
–Hallway, Supreme Court, Bronx
Overheard by: Big Larry
Brooklyn guy: Cute kid you got there. How old is he?
Short-haired mom: She is 20 months.
Brooklyn guy: Oh, ‘she.’ Sorry, I didn’t realize…
Short-haired mom: That’s because gender is performance.
Brooklyn guy: [Sips coffee.]
–Vox Pop, Cortelyou Rd
Overheard by: the nearby barista
Crazy guy: Have you ever sniffed some good ass?
Suit: Huh?
Crazy guy: Have you ever smelled some really good asshole?
Suit: I would say… yes, I have. But I don’t really want to discuss it with you, okay?
–E 42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Big Larry
Headline by: space coyote
Runners-Up:
· “It’s Between Me and My Mother” – King of the Jews
· “It’s really more a question of taste…” – Rusty
· “Not now, Dad.” – again.
· “Wall Street’s Don’t Sniff and Tell policy” – Ceetar
· “What Happens at an HMO-covered Therapy Session” – Barry Negrin
Ragged old black guy with wad of cash in hand, teasing: You gonna let me cut the line, right?
Clerk: Please get on the end of the line.
Ragged old black guy: I’ma buy me that 250-dollar Blue Label up there. You gonna let me get on the front of this line, right?
Clerk: [Ignores him.]Ragged old black guy: 250 dollars for Blue Label for me to get drunk and run over some kids!
–Liquor store, 23rd & Park
Overheard by: Baby G
Dude #1: Do you think retards know they’re retarded?
Dude #2: Yeah. I’m sure they’re all like, ‘This sucks. I’m retarded.’
–East Village
