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Woman in leggings: What the fuck is this shit? You gonna hand me three motherfucking sugar packets? Do you have any idea how big this coffee is?
Cashier: We don’t put sugar in your coffee. Sugar packets are on the counter.
Woman in leggings: Listen, my boyfriend’s a cop. And he owns, like, three Dunkin’ Donuts franchises. What do you mean you won’t put sugar in my fuckin’ coffee? I want to speak to the manager.
Manager: Excuse me, but I heard you. There are sugar packets on the counter. Take as many as you like.
Woman in leggings: You guys are total assholes.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, 96th & Broadway

Overheard by: ProcrastYNate

White chick #1: Whatever happened to Jerry Springer?
White chick #2: Yeah, remember when he was like, it? You’d see him everywhere.
White chick #1: Yeah, he made that movie and all.
White chick #2: I heard he’s running for Mayor of Ohio.
White chick #1: Get out!

–Greenwich & North Moore

Ranting woman: We should be boycotting products from all those big corporations like Microsoft, and General Motors, and Nike, and–
Hobo: Shut the fuck up before the corporation gets to you and tortures you to death.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ting

Gay man: Have you ever smelled your ass, after you buttfuck?

–18th & 6th

Overheard by: Dana

Chick #1: That one guy’s kinda cute, but I think he’s gay.
Chick #2: Yeah, but I don’t think he knows it yet. Go for it.

–Fat Black Pussy Cat, W. 3rd Street

Overheard by: Djlindee

Guy #1: I got a letter from Rosalyn & Jimmy Carter.
Guy #2: Oh really? How are they doing?
Guy #1: Good, they want money.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Carl

Man, in Los Angeles: Cialdini’s Influence is the classic psychological book about how and why people are convinced.

Woman: Ah, I should read that so I can learn to convince myself of things.

Fat lady: I wanna return this.
Store guy: Why?
Fat lady: Is too small, wanna large.
Guy: Receipt says you bought it a month ago; what happened to you?
Fat lady: I got pregnant, motherfucker!

–Foot Locker, Queens Mall

Overheard by: Steve Kinsella

Guy #1: The girl with the tattoo on her breast.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, yeah. She got a huge booty. That shit be a jigglypuff.
Guy #1: Yeah, for real. I just wanna grab that shit.
Guy #2: Yeah, but she got hairy legs.
Guy #1: You seen ’em?
Guy #2: Hell yeah, she showed me.
Guy #1: But, you know, it’s winter. Girls be gettin’ sloppy in wintertime.
Guy #2: I don’t care, man. That shit’s atrocious.

–4 train

Girl in stall: Oh, shit, I dropped my phone in the toilet!

The phone rings.

Girl in stall: And how the hell am I supposed to answer that now?!

–2nd Ave Deli bathroom

Overheard by: Rue Silver