Mom: What time is the flight tomorrow?
Dad: Seven a.m. We have to get up at 4:30.
Little girl: Mommy, we’re going on an airplane?
Mom: Yes, honey, we’re going to Florida tomorrow.
Little girl: Why are we going to Florida, Mommy?
Mom: We’re going to Grandpa’s unveiling.
Little girl, terrified: Mommy, I don’t want to see Grandpa. He’s dead and scary.
Dad: [Laughing.]Mom: Robert, shut up!
–Christopher & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Dude #1: So, she lied to her parents about what third world country she went to?
Dude #2: Yeah, I guess so.
Dude #1: Wait, where did she really go?
Dude #2: I don’t know — Thailand, Vietnam or Kenya… Somewhere with poor people.
Dude #1: Damn.
–A train
Woman #1: Well, have fun in Vegas.
Woman #2: Thanks. I want to win big and get laid.
Woman #1: Well, use protection, honey.
Woman #2: Is that a new product?
–Macy’s Herald Square
Male passenger: Man, come on, move the bus! There’s a fucking war in Iraq, and I have to take two more buses! There’s a war in Iraq, and I have to take two more buses!
Female passenger: What, to get there?
–Q76 bus
Overheard by: Samn
Conductor: Uh, ma’am, you can’t stand in the doorway.
Woman: Why not?
Conductor: Because then the train won’t move.
Woman: And who’s it to you to tell me what I can and can’t do on this train? I’m a New Yorker, I have rights!
Conductor: I’m the conductor.
Woman: Well, then I don’t want to be on your train!
–A train
Overheard by: Calmandodd
Boy: Yeah, I mean, the only way that I’d be pissed is if you stabbed me…
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Dude: He threw a bagel at me — knocked me the fuck out!
–15th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Michael Pantozzi
Guidance counselor mediating a conflict between a flock of tween girls: Okay, Yamira* can still go on the field trip, because she told the truth about punching Janalin* in the face.
–PS 8, Washington Heights
Little boy: Smack that, lalalala! [Smacks brother in stroller.] Smack that, lalalala! [Smacks brother again.] Smack that! Lalalala!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: amused sales associate
Guy on cell: Yeah, after that hug I wanted to punch her.
–Walgreens, Union Square
Girl: It was great — so smooth and quiet and roomy — there was tons of leg room!
Guy: Mhmmm…
Girl: Like, like, say these are my knees…
Guy: Those are your knees.
–Outside Penn Station
Man on cell: I have to go to Bangkok — I’m getting a plane out tomorrow. Wait, what day is it today? I’m going Tuesday.
Couple nearby: It’s the 19th, a Tuesday.
Man on cell: Is it? I have no sense of time anymore without my computer. Everything is on my computer. Well, I guess I’m leaving Thursday then.
–M1 bus
Overheard by: Coulda sworn it was Monday.
Tourist mom: Oh my god! Hey, look, it’s an advertisement we know!
Tourist children chanting in unison: Tar-get! Tar-get! Tar-get! Tar-get!
–Times Square
Son : We’re gonna get robbed and raped down here, we should have taken the bus.
Father: You only say stupid things.
Mother: Just hit him.
Son: Let’s get off at the next stop and take the bus.
Mother: Put your iPod away before those black guys try to rob you.
–Subway, near Battery Park
Overheard by: Mike Hunt
