Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners are Skin Deep, at Best

Guy, to twin girls: She’s the pretty one.

–8th & Hudson

Overheard by: Michelle

Hobo: Hey, baby! Oh, maaaan. You so gorgeous. I wanna paint you red. You wait. I’m gonna paint you red tonight.

–20th between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Baby

Hobo to hot girl: I’ve been prairie dogging it the whole train ride, but I just want to tell you that you’re beautiful.

–34th St N station

Overheard by: Lara

Guy on cell: She’s good looking, but not too smart — like Jessica Simpson. Not as dumb as her, but not as hot either, so I guess it kind of evens out.

–Duane Reade, 27th & Madison

Suit to friend: But I was prettier back then.

–Church & Chambers

Guy: Hey, gorgeous, how ya doin’?

Woman ignores him.

Guy: Well, well, well, aren’t we full of ourselves…

–14th & Broadway

Dude: I only went out with her because she knows some hot lesbians.

–Hunter College

Look to Your Right and Left, NYU Class of 2010: One of You Wednesday One-Liners Will be Gone by Spring

NYU kid: I’m waiting for a roomba that runs on solar.

–Washington Square

NYU hipster: Do you ever find a little self-deprecation to be charming?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Joey Gillis

NYU chick: I drink Sprite not Pepsi because you know, it’s colorless so there’s no fat or calories so I can stay thin. You drink Pepsi and that’s brown and thick so it’s got carbs.

–NYU dorm

Overheard by: Low Fat Soda

NYU girl: I don’t like that sour is attached to cream; don’t let the fucking cream go sour!

–Williams & Wall

Overheard by: Genevieve

NYU girl: So they call it a keg stand…they hold your legs up and you’re just supposed to drink out of the spout thingy. SOOOOOO weird, but the guy was hot so I did it.

–W 4th St

NYU student: So I said, "I don’t care what time it is, you are supposed to be a lesbian!"

–Union Square Whole Foods

Overheard by: Batman

NYU girl: Yeah, she did kinda look like a lesbian. I mean, she had really bad posture.

–Church & Murray

Overheard by: Jason

Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Listen to Nancy Reagan

Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!

–Houston & Essex

Overheard by: saywhat?

Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…

–R train

Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.

–Bank of America, 6th Ave

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…

–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3

Overheard by: Franco

Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.

–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow

Overheard by: wants to meet the ex

Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?

–14th & 6th

Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!

–80th & 3rd

Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!

–14th St L station

Overheard by: Em

Who’s Who in Wednesday One-Liners

Student: Did Mohammed invent Arabic with the Koran?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Krisztina

Dude: Help me, Mr. Bloomberg. Please help me, Mr. Bloomberg.

–Rivington & Bowery

Overheard by: Miss V

Girl: Fuckin’ Teddy Roosevelt. Who gives a shit about Teddy Roosevelt?

–5th & 10th

Tourist: I know Kenny Rogers. Doesn’t he make chicken?

–Veniero’s, 11th St

Overheard by: Caitlyn

Biker: I heard George Bush was supposed to be here. Where the hell’s that bitch nigga at?

–World Trade Center

Professor: Madonna has the vulnerability of a cash register.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Girl on cell: She was definitely trying to get me mad. She’s like, “Yeah, people in L.A. hate New Yorkers.” And I’m like, “Are you saying this because I said your boyfriend looks like Chuck Norris?”

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Laura

Wednesday One-Liners Try to Suck Their Own When No One’s Around

Hot chick: What’s the use of having penis-shaped cake pans if you’re not going to put them to use at least once a year?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Gnometastic

Man on cell: Promise me, when you see the giant penis, you will NOT laugh!

–78th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Stacy in the City

Guy: So I was sucking this guy’s dick… and he has kids!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Ryan

Guido: So did anyone else besides you have a cock in their mouth?

–75th & 3rd

Overheard by: Cody

Careful planner: Now we have to get it out of your pocket and onto your penis.

–168th & Broadway

Guy on cell: So, how many inches do you think I am?

–Columbia University

Teen boy, looking into sex shop: Ooohhh…they got the dick pump!

–38th & 8th

Mama Said There’d Be Wednesday One-Liners Like This

20-Something chick: Yeah, well that was when I used to get drunk with his mother.

–176th St between Audubon & Amsterdam

Overheard by: sj

Drunk girl: I always end up with the ones with mommy issues. Like, does it look like I’m lactating, motherfucker? Didn’t think so.

–Park Slope

Tween boy: Well, my mom was lactating at the time, so I just drank that.

–7th Ave & 5th St, Park Slope

Professor: Mothers are not uncommon in families. Grandmothers don’t count because they’re not sexual threats.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Construction worker: Yeah, I fucked her and her mom. I know, Ma, I’ll call her back.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Tom

Woman on cell: You need to calm the fuck down. Calm down. You need to calm the fuck down! Bullets do not have names. Mama said that. You be runnin’ around with the crips, with the gangs. You gonna get your ass shot. You listen to me: you need to calm the fuck down!

–Metro-North

Overheard by: MojoSaves

Girl: But, Mom, I can’t trust you if you don’t like me!

–Starbucks, 75th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ali

Ebert and Roeper at the Wednesday One-Liners

Woman, watching Jet Li movie preview: I won’t see it. All they ever do is hop around, and I have no idea what’s going on.

–AMC Theatre, W 42nd St

Overheard by: Jason

Slow learner: Yeah, we just got out of Miami Vice…Yeah, I’ve seen it twice. Trust me: do not see that movie!

–42nd between 9th & 10th

Overheard by: Ash

Young woman: When I went to see Snakes on a Plane, I didn’t think there’d be snakes! On a plane!

–Regal Cinemas, Union Square

Tween boy: After seeing that movie, I have to say: Johnny Knoxville is the most suicidal person next to Jesus.

–C train

Overheard by: Dirty D

Ticket taker, directing people to theater: Go out the window and take a left.

–AMC 25, Times Square

Overheard by: L

Blonde girl: Isn’t Short Circuit the movie with R2D2?

–Rooftop party, W 43rd

Overheard by: Esther

Guy in very crowded train: It felt like Schindler’s List for a second there.

–7 train

Overheard by: giants fan

Wednesday’s Child is Full of One-Liners

Ten-year-old: If I work on my claw skills, I will always be able to tell what time it is!

–CVS, Lexington Ave

Child tourist: There’s so many people. Don’t they have jobs?

–Times Square

Overheard by: rae

Young boy: Were you sniffing my father?

–Bronx Zoo

Little girl: I can’t wait ’til I have my own psychic friend.

–181st & Pinehurst

Overheard by: Josh h

Young boy: Mommy, I wanna go see the thongs.

–Saks

Overheard by: Butt Floss

Young girl tourist, exiting taxi: Goodbye! I love you! More than all the other cabs!

–Thompson & 3rd

Overheard by: kerm and mere

Little girl: You always make things up! You made this game up, you made the rules up, you even made me up!

–19th Ave, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Care About Melanin

Girl: You really don’t realize how many Indian kids there are at NYU until you have really shitty sex with one of them and have to try to avoid him.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Jake

Indian guy, to white guy: Do you see the color of my skin? I’m obviously more intelligent than you.

–Makers

Very white girl: It was so diverse and, like, I don’t know, I felt like a minority.

—Union Square

Guy: I don’t discriminate based on race, but you in particular are a suspicious-looking motherfucker.

–Red Sky Lounge, 29th & Park

Guy on cell: You fucking idiot. You don’t have jaundice. You’re Asian.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: another asian

Frenchman: Hurry! That chocolate man is taking your parking space!

–Christopher St

Overheard by: Melissa Coppola

Black guy, to white infant: Hey! Hey! Awww, shit. You anotha’ one of dose fucking crackers! Cracker-ass crackers fucking everywhere.

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: The Cracker’s Mama

Wednesday One-Liners Could Use a Fig Leaf

Girl: I’m almost too comfortable with old-people nudity.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: hannah

Middle-Aged woman: Oh my God, you should have been there to see my husband naked-bodysurfing.

–Thompson & Spring

Man on cell: Yeah… I’m just calling to let you know the Naked Cowboy called in sick today because of the rain. Yeah, I’m going to take his place. I just wanted to let you know. OK. Bye.

–48th & 2nd

Young woman: There’s the Naked Cowgirl. She’s not all that. She’s not even that pretty!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Derek Powazek

Girl: It’s not like when a guy sees you naked, he’s gonna be like, “Yo, I wish you were more muscular.”

–College Walk, Columbia University

Girl on cell: Because grown sisters naked in a room together is weird!

–L train, Metropolitan Ave

Overheard by: Must be weird

Woman on cell: Naked on the couch?… God, I don’t blame you.

–3rd & A

Overheard by: Kira

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