Him: You know what I’m saying, because I was all “you know what I’m saying”, you know what I’m saying?
Her: I have no idea what you’re trying to say.
–Sea Thai Bistro, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Him: You know what I’m saying, because I was all “you know what I’m saying”, you know what I’m saying?
Her: I have no idea what you’re trying to say.
–Sea Thai Bistro, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Awkward Japanese teacher: So you guys use text messages, right? Like… L-O-L?
(students look confused)
(awkward Japanese teacher laughs)
Student, proudly: I know: L-O-L sensei!
Awkward Japanese teacher: Oh em gee.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: vicksburg
Cashier: Here’s your receipt. Have a nice day.
Customer: Thanks. Do you know how hard it is to get a taxi around here?
Cashier: Well, you are in Midtown Manhattan, so it’s pretty easy.
Customer: Thanks.
Cashier: Where are you from?
Customer: Staten Island.
Cashier, under breath: Figures…
–J. Crew, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Al
Girl #1: Your guys– Wait how do you pluralize that?
Girl #2: You guyses.
–Kings Highway & Coney Island Ave, Brooklyn
Younger guy: She was a bit fatter than I expected.
Older guy: Well, you still did the deed though?
Younger guy: Yes, of course I did. I had the beer goggles on to protect me but it was hard to keep the cattle prod charged.
Older guy: Well, it’s not the pussy’s fault.
–42nd & Avenue of the Americas
Headline by: chubba
Runners-Up:
· “Also, Her Tail Kept Getting in the Way” – sam
· “I Learned a Lot That Summer on the Ranch…” – Mark
· “If Only I Had My +5 Armor with +2 Strength.” – Bevan
· “It’s the Whale Attached to It” – Bizzznatch
· “They Always Blame the Cat, Never the Dog…” – Steve Gotz
Chick #1: Yea, I have a Bachelor’s in Fine Arts…I’m a welder.
Chick #2: A what?
Chick #1: You know, with the mask and the blowtorch and all that.
Chick #2 [waving her hand like a ribbon dancer]: Oooooh, so it’s a sport, right?
–G Train
Hipster on cell: Best case scenario is: I talk, and you say
nothing. We have nothing to talk about.
–65th & 2nd
Overheard by: Gregorio and Robyn
Queer: Instead of cheating, I define it as an indiscretion.
–Posh, W. 51st Street
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Dude on cell: …yeah..you are breaking up…wha? no…I meant your voice is breaking up…nope…wha? no…I don’t want to break up with you…hello…hello…
–West 4th & Macdougal
Dude on cell: So how’s the single life?…Well, that’s good, because if you were pregnant, I’d stick my fist in your twat and pull that thing outta there…I said, I’d stick my fist in your twat. Yeah, I would…Because I’m not really ready to be a dad right now, you know?
–LIRR
Overheard by: maura johnston
Old Woman #1: …I like that too. You know what’s good? I like to eat that pissghetti.
Old Woman #2: Yeah, that stuff is good.
Old Woman #1: But they should give it a better name.
–Bronx Supreme Court building
Overheard by: The Evil Sneeze
Guy: I have to say, one nice thing about living here is that the winters are so cold that a lot of the homeless freeze to death. So, you know, there's a lot less of them.
Girl: Dude, it's “fewer”. Not “less”.
–17th & 9th
Overheard by: Mike
Little girl, talking to Rite-Aid employee: How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Rite-Aid employee: Hmm…let's see. Right now? Right now…24.
Little girl: Aren't there 26?
Rite-Aid employee: Actually there used to be 26, but they took away two.
Little girl: Which ones?
Rite-Aid employee: The ch and the double l.
–Rite-Aid, 86th St
Overheard by: Marie Ziskin
