Southern tourist #1: Oh my! Oh. My. God!
Southern tourist #2: Woman, what is it?
Southern tourist #1: It's that Elmo again! I saw him yesterday! At the same place! It's preying on tourists!
Southern tourist #2: Maybe you just need a hug from him!
Suit: It is an “it!” An “it,” you tourist fools! It! It! Iiiiiiiiiiiittttttt!
Southern tourist #2: I toldja we shoulda just stuck with Atlantic City.
–Times Square
Very confused foreign man: Excuse me, excuse me, I have to find Duane Read.
Port Authority cop: (silence)
Very confused foreign man: Sir! I have to find Duane Read!
Port Authority cop: Who!?
Very confused foreign man: Duane Read!
Port Authority cop: Neva heard of 'im.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Hans in Brooklyn
Young woman: Do you need help crossing the street?
Elderly woman: No. It's fucking red.
–96th & Broadway
Overheard by: Meghan
Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.
–Houston Street
Post office girl to customer ringing bell: Holding the bell down ain't gonna make them come any faster.
Customer: I know, but at least it will annoy the fuck out of you.
–180th St. Post Office
Lost tourist, complete with map and camera accessories: Hi, can you tell us which direction Chinatown is in?
New Yorker in a hurry: Fool, are you out of your mind? You're closer to the real China all the way up here!
–104th & Broadway
Overheard by: Yummmmm Dumplings
British female to sullen guy: Hey! What's wrong, chap? Buck up! Go on, buck up! Buck up! (sullen guy stops and looks her way)
Sullen guy, in heavy New York accent: Fuck…off.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dropping Eaves
Fundraising man: Donate just one penny, one penny can make a difference…
Woman passing by: Well then put yer own damn penny in it!
–5th & 57th
Overheard by: jen
Confused American: I used to think Atlantic City was in Atlantic State.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: MBS
Drunk guy: I don't understand why people are giving Sarah Palin so much grief over that Russia thing. It really *is* pretty close to Alaska.
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Anti-McCain dude to another: Man, Sarah Palin is crazy. Yo, she's just crazy. Why did John McCain even pick her? She's not even an American citizen, she's Alaskan!
–The Bronx
Nervous white lady: Um, is the Broadway/Lafayette stop coming up soon?
–Uptown 1 Train
UPS guy to lost tourists: I'm not a GPS! I'm the UPS!
–Prince & Lafayette
Overheard by: dee
Businessman behind group of tourists: These slow-moving tourists are fuckin' killing me.
Tourist: We'd better not catch your fast-moving New York ass in Beaumont, Texas!
–37th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: DodgersWill
