“There's No Wednesday One-Linering in Baseball!”

Dad to whiny three-year-old daughter: And now you're going to try and manipulate me by crying.

–186th St & Ft. Washington Ave

Girl to friends: That's just the way the world is. You don't see me cryin' whenever someone calls me a fat bitch or a short bitch or an ugly bitch…

–23rd & 8th

15-year-old boy: Yo, I'd cry if that happened to me, but I'm just sensitive like that.

–A Train

Overheard by: pop pop

Girl: And then you know I take out my yo-yo and start dancing. And then you know I'm multi-tasking! I'm yo-yoing, dancing and crying all at the same time!

–LaGuardia High School

Woman on cell: Alex, stop crying. Stop crying. What about the breadsticks, were there at least breadsticks?

–34th & 6th

Posted on September 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crying, Dads, Dancing, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Just Keep the Veil Down and Hope for the Best

Harried-looking maid of honor: You make the most beautiful blushing bride!
Bridezilla: I'm not blushing! I have rosacea!

–Ladies Room, Tavern On The Green

Overheard by: Really was blushing…

Posted on September 17, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Central Park, Compliments, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Marriage, Physical appearance

What About Pity Fucks, Smart Guy?

Construction worker #1: I swear, man, it don't matter if you look like Brad fucking Pitt–if you ain't hung, you ain't getting any.
Construction worker #2: (sadly nods)

–43rd & 6th

Posted on September 15, 2014
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Construction Guys, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Physical appearance

An After School Special That Didn't Make It To Air

Girl #1: Look at that guy in the gray suit.
Girl #2: My sister knows him.
Girl #1: He's cute, what does he do?
Girl #2: I think he is a social worker.
Girl #1: Ah–full heart, empty wallet. (chuckles)
Girl #2: Oh man, that's cold.
Girl #1 (looking at girl #2 with surprise): What? if a certain lifestyle is important to you…we shouldn't pretend it isn't. I'm not kidding myself anymore.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Darren

Posted on September 14, 2014
Beauty, Central Park, Clothing, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class

Why Fag-Hags Exist.

JAP #1: Oh my god! I have such a crush on this guy, except he's not cute, at all.
JAP #2: So, you like his personality then?
JAP #1: No.
JAP #2: Oh.
JAP #1: He just has a really great fashion sense.

–Cosi, E 8th St

Posted on September 13, 2014
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Fashion, JAPs, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Mangina Attack

Man in elevator on cell: Yeah. That's what I'm paying for, right? Next time just make sure it's a male to female.

–Elevator, Chelsea

Staten Island man to son: Okay, you have to be careful here. And don't touch any of the pretty ladies: the prettier they are, the more likely it's a man.

–1st & Houston

Middle aged woman to friend: Every morning I wake up and think I look more and more like Mrs Doubtfire.

–Union Square

Overheard by: mk

Guy in pink spandex to Victorian Gardens employee: Excuse me, where do the trannies hang out?

–Central Park

Preppy chick to friends: Did I ever tell you guys about the tranny I slept with?

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Well-Dressed Indian Boy

Mom, in motherly voice, to crying four-year-old: Aww, what's the matter, did the little transvestite scare you?

–2nd & 72nd

Overheard by: Nancy

Posted on September 3, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Elevators, Fears, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Preppies, Questions, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women

The Most Romantic Quote We've Received in a While

Girl: How was your date last night?
Guy: He had a sick body but an ugly face. I slept with him anyway.

–84th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on August 24, 2014
Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Girls, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Upper East Side

I’m in the Six-Party Talks With North Korea Right Now

Fat guy: Just because you’re cute doesn’t mean you’re powerful.
Cute bartender: Oh yes it does!

–Mercury Bar, 9th Ave between 45th & 46th

Overheard by: derek rose

Posted on August 20, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Beauty, Fat People

I Can't See the Mediterranean Diet Being Good for My Heart

Chick 1: So he was hot but you didn't call him back because he was descended from royalty and his family was assassinated?
Chick 2: More or less. And he asked me to decorate his apartment 13 minutes after I met him.
Chick 1: But he was half Greek.
Chick 2: And half Syrian.
Chick 1: Oh.

–L Train

Posted on August 16, 2014
Beauty, Dating, Default, Fears, Girls, Global Geography, Murder, On the Subway, Questions

Won’t They Feel Silly When They Discover the Hobo’s Dead

Tourist girl #1: Hey, look behind me.
Tourist girl #2: What? All I see is a wall.
Tourist girl #1: No, you dumb shit — on the ground.
Tourist girl #2: Oh, it’s just a hobo. Oh my god, it’s a hobo! [Screaming] Ahhh! I’m scared of hobos! Will he rape me?!
Tourist girl #1: Shut up, retard. Just ’cause he is a sleeping hobo doesn’t mean he can’t hear you. And no, he won’t rape you.
Tourist girl #2: Oh, well, good thing I’m with you — I feel safer.
Tourist girl #1: Why?
Tourist girl #2: ‘Cause if anyone was gonna rape one of us, they would pick you to rape first — you’re way prettier — so while they were raping you I could run away screaming.
Tourist girl #1: Shut up. You’re a freak.

–Netherlander Theatre

Overheard by: rent head

Posted on August 12, 2014
Beauty, Hobos, Tourists

Beauty