[Teenage girl spills water and it soaks guy’s pants.]Wet pants boy: My pants are wet!
Girl: Well, what did you expect from me?
Wet pants boy: Not to get my pants soaking wet, that’s what!
–Diner, Upper East Side
[Teenage girl spills water and it soaks guy’s pants.]Wet pants boy: My pants are wet!
Girl: Well, what did you expect from me?
Wet pants boy: Not to get my pants soaking wet, that’s what!
–Diner, Upper East Side
Girl: What do you want me to do? I can do anything, that’s why I get acting jobs.
Boy: I can’t think of anything.
Girl: I can do anything; I can do anything you want me to do and I can do it well.
–69th St
Headline by: Moon
Runners-Up:
· “And Yet, You’re Not on Your Knees…” – Katie Darling
· “Before You Pick Up the Hooker, Have a Plan” – CV
· “Kim Possible Breaks Out the Dirty Talk” – john
· “Like Getting Me a Drink Menu?” – phox
· “Looks Like I Just Might Finally Get My Roof Fixed” – engsci
· “Portrait Of the Densest Boy on Earth” – samson
· “Sally’s Gaydar Works Again!” – Sara Irene
· “Save It for the Next Election, Hillary” – NR
· “What Does a Girl Have to Do to Become a Fag Hag Around Here?” – rudy valahan
Small child: I’m going to bite you, mom!
Mom: No, wait till we get off the train.
–1 Train
(mom yelling at six-year-old son playing with several magazines)
Mom: Eric, let’s go now!
Eric: But Mom, I want one!
Mom: For Christ’s sake! Just take one and let’s go.
(Eric takes Gay Life)
Mom: Your father is going to kill you.
–80th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Schatz
Boy at German bar: There’s too many Germans in Pittsburgh.
Girl at German bar: That’s why there aren’t any Jews!
–6th & D
10-year-old little brother: And then there was this huge fight on an armored train.
20-something big brother: Wait, are you sure it was a train?
10-year-old little brother: Yeah, it was an armored train that had guns, and bombs, and fireworks.
20-something big brother: Are you sure it wasn’t a truck? I saw that movie and it was a truck.
10-year-old little brother: Nope, it was a train.
20-something big brother: You didn’t see the movie, did you? You just had someone tell you about it, right?
10-year-old little brother: Yeah…
–1 Train
Overheard by: EthanK
Petulant child: Speed walking is boring! I want to be myself!
–1st Ave & 5th St
Awkward teen boy to friend: It was really boring until I got laid.
–66th & Broadway
Chick on cell: How is pantylessness ever boring?
–113th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Young art history teacher: So basically, I like to lecture the whole first class and bore the hell out of them. That way, everything I say afterwards is interesting!
–74th & Madison
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Short girl to lab partner: Sometimes, when I’m bored, I become a tuning fork. (slowly hits herself on the head) Diiiing!
–Chemistry Lab, Stuyvesant High School
Little boy: Is it garbage or is it presents? Is it garbage or is it presents?
Mom: If you aren’t quiet, whatever is in the bags now will be garbage.
Little boy: [Silence.]Mom: Uh huh… That’s called logic.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Mother pleading with squirmy four-year-old son in tight jacket: Just keep it on for the time being.
Son: I hate the time being.
–Christmas Mass, St Patrick’s
