Bryant Park

Wednesday One-Liner’s Burden

Jamaican man on cell: First there is the white people, then comes the animals, then comes me!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Cog-in-the-wheel

White hipster: Don’t let the white man bring you down!

–N. 6th & Bedford Ave

Black man, yelling at UGG-wearing Fordham student passing by: White girls get loving, too. But, not with those boots!

–E. Fordham Rd & Bathgate Ave

Guy with rosary: Yo, that girl used to be so bad. Now she’s hanging out with white people and playing croquet. Or whatever that shit is.

–North Woods, Central Park

Cute black girl: Damn! White girls be steppin’ it up! They got booties now and everything!

–106th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Will Kick Your Ass at Beer Pong

Frat boy on cell: Next time this happens, just grab him by the penis and drag him into bed.

–Grand Central

Frat boy: I mean, STDs are nothing to worry about. There are more Pokemon than there are STDs!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Pikachu

Enthusiastic frat boy: Sure, sure, but back in history when there were no diseases…

–57th Street & 8th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Frat boy on cell: If I were him, I’d tell her to get her boobs put in too, as long as she’s already under.

–Mercer & 8th

Incensed frat-type dude on cell: Dude! I didn’t fingerbang your sister in Tijuana! I’m not a snake like that. I fingerbanged her in Cancun, so it was on American soil… And you were in the next bed. Tell me you don’t remember any of this?!

–NR Train

This Reference Is on the Cusp of Becoming Old

Dude #1: … Yo it was awesome man, she was so hot. It totally made the ski trip worth it.
Dude #2: Look at you, Governor Spitzer, gettin’ some outta town booty.

–Bryant Park

It Was Naturally Greasy

Man #1: It was like a dildo, but Italian.
Man #2: Ohhh, an Italian dildo!

–Bryant Park

“Goodnight Moon”? Really?

Chick #1: My gym teachers always let us sit and read.
Chick #2: What does that work out?
Chick #1: Um, your mind.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: your humble narrator

Just Curious

Girl wearing cargo capris: Do I look like a lesbian in these pants?
Stranger girl: Yeah, why?

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Hal

So Obsessed with God and Sex, Unlike Americans

Chick #1: So, I talked to your boy this weekend.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah? And?
Chick #1: We talked for a while, and then he fed me this line about, ‘Us being together is what God would want us to do…’
Chick #2: Shit. For real?
Chick #1: Yeah. Damn Jamaicans.

–46th & Park

Overheard by: Rainy days and mondays…

How He Convinced Her that Semen Is Brain Food

Man: I’ll give you 10 bucks if you can tell me what baseball team is popular in Philly.
Woman: Duh, it’s the Red Sox! …What? Boston is in Philly.
Man: Sweetie, Boston isn’t in Philly.
Woman: Don’t lie to me, you know how easy I fall for things!
Man: But Boston is in Massachusetts.
Woman: That’s what I said!

–E 23rd St & Lex

Overheard by: Lisa

This Bulge? I Think Not.

French woman: You like men?
French man: Yes.
French woman: That means you are gay?
French man: Yes.
French woman: There must be a defect in your genes.

–7th Ave & 35th St

I Don’t Know, Why DID the Ethiopian Get an Oscar Invitation?

Paparazzo #1, of model running by: Who was that?
Paparazzo #2: I don’t know.
Paparazza: Well, if you’re anorexic and you run really fast, of COURSE everybody’s gonna think you’re famous!

–Fashion Week tents, Bryant Park

Overheard by: Mike D.

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