We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away

Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?

–Office Building, 32nd & 7th

Overheard by: erkala

Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!

–Toys R' Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Lotte

Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: sal b

Posted on March 26, 2020
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Death, Foreplay, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Height, Hobos, Men, Office, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

…So, How Much Do You Weigh?

Eccentric-looking older man: What are you?
20-something girl: Portuguese.
Eccentric-looking older man: Portuguese? They're good people. They mind their own business.
20-something girl: Yeah?
Eccentric-looking older man: Yeah, not like the Jews!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Christina

Posted on January 11, 2020
Bryant Park, Foreigners, Girls, Old People, Parks, Questions, Race, Stupidity

My Slow Suicide Diet Is Just Too Tasty Not to Share

Suit #1: I want to make Hasidics eat bacon cheeseburgers with a glass of milk.
Suit #2: Kill yourself.

–38th & 5th

Overheard by: Andrew Z

Posted on May 2, 2019
Bryant Park, Food, Judaism, Suicide, Suits

That Makes 14th Street the Mason-Dixon

Girl: I’m going to have a boring weekend. I’m not really doing anything except one of my friends is guest bartending at this bar Coda on 34th street so I’m going to that.
Guy #1: I think I’ve been there.
Guy #2: Is that on the North or South side?
Girl: Oh I haven’t lived in New York to learn the New York lingo.
Guy #2: Well, there’s a North side and a South side of the street.

–43rd & 5th

Posted on January 22, 2018
Bryant Park, Friends, NYC Geography

Way to Use Your Noodle!

Old man looking around and spotting banner for pasta store: Paaaasssttttaaaaaa…
Old man's wife, happily: Pasta! That says pasta!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: I prefer pizza

Posted on January 5, 2018
Bryant Park, Couples, Food, Happiness, Old People

Who Says College Doesn't Prepare You for the Real World?

Frat boy: If you press your thumb hard in the middle of your forehead it stops your gag reflex for a minute.
Girl: Uhhh how do you know that?
Frat boy: I learned it at my frat, you can swallow a whole banana!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: JC

Posted on September 4, 2017
Advice, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Default, Education, Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Weirdness

That’s Britney’s Plan

Fat hipster: Yeah, then I would get fat and evil.
Skinny punkster: True, but that’s how you get laid.

–Bryant Park

Posted on December 1, 2015
Bryant Park, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Hipsters, Punks, Sex, Skinny People

Going to Congress?

Girl: Dude, why are you holding a stick?
Guy: It's a wand. Fuck you.

–Bryant Park

Posted on July 26, 2015
Bryant Park, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, Questions

His Mistake Was Leaning in for a Kiss

Hobo: Sir, can I trouble you for a cigarette?
Suit #1: Yeah no problem, man.
Hobo: Have a light, too?
Suit #1: Sure.
Hobo: Thanks, man… get the FUCK outta my face!
Suit #2: Only in NYC, man…

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Rob

Posted on July 25, 2015
Anger Management, Bryant Park, Etiquette, Hobos, Homeless, Nice People, Only in New York, Smoking, Suits

Like Spiders Do

Law school girl wannabe #1: Maybe I can sell my eggs for like $50,000.
Law school girl wannabe #2: But what happens if your kid is out there dating their brother or sister?
Law school girl wannabe #1: That's a good point… There's a chance that would happen.
Law school girl wannabe #2: That's why you need to follow up on your eggs and find them in the real world, and check in on them.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Jack Handy

Posted on July 20, 2015
Bryant Park, For Sale, Kids, Money & Class, Students