Wednesday One-Liners and the People Who Love Them

Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet!

–Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents

Overheard by: jycho

Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.

–Student Center, Barnard

Overheard by: Kristine

Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets!

–50th Ave & Broadway

Overheard by: Colleen

Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men.

–E 10th St

Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet?

–20th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jesse S G

Posted on July 18, 2015
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Internet, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Parks, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Village, Vendors & Street Performers, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Which Requires a Strong Core

Queer: I do Pilates now!
Girl: Jesus Christ, you are such a homo.

–Bryant Park

Posted on July 8, 2015
Bryant Park, Comebacks, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Queer guys, Sports

We Blame Barbie for This Conversation.

All beauty, no brains brunette: No, John, he's not all the way black, his mom is white and his dad is black. He's just like 1/16th black, or whatever that comes out to.
John: Dude, really? I take it math wasn't your strong point in school.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Sky

Posted on July 5, 2015
Bryant Park, Colors, Education, Girls, Race

Wednesday One-Liners for Stephen Colbert

Suit on phone: The dream was strange…we are in a library …I say something like "it's a liability." Then you said "your mom's a liability." That was it…I don't know.

–Gramercy Park

Overheard by: POLA

Young suit to another: The world is not your oyster!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Amy

Suit to another, as 30-something woman in skirt and high heels passes by: Yowza! And that ends our case study!

–Madison Ave & 40th St

Overheard by: Casey

Stressed female suit: No one gives a fuck anymore. Everyone's just gonna do what they want. And any further complaints can be directed to my ass.

–University St b/w 8th & Waverly

Middle-aged Asian man in three-piece suit on cell: I mean, how can I live like Bond if I'm married?

–46th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: dr. no, i dont do

20-something female suit on cell: Baby, I would love to go to dinner, but you have two options: dinner or sex. I only have time for one.

–27th St & Park Ave

Posted on June 1, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Asians, Ass, Bryant Park, Dreams, Family Ties, Insults, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Sex, Street, Suits, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

I'd Give My Four Wood for a Hole-in-One

Older gentleman #1: The couple times a century that we do have sex, I would rather be playing golf.
Older gentleman #2: I know exactly what you mean.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on May 25, 2015
Age/Aging, Bryant Park, Compare/Contrast, Old People, Sex, Sports

Still More Natural Than God’s Body and Blood

Catholic girl #1: It’s a little more natural to have jizz in your mouth instead of pee.
Catholic girl #2: But the jizz has shit in it!

–Bryant Park

Posted on May 17, 2015
Bryant Park, Catholics, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Girls, Pee

What the Banner in the Airport Should Say

(girl runs into a woman crossing the street)
Woman (turning to confront girl): Are you kidding me?!
Girl: Are you kidding me?
Woman: Can’t you see?!
Girl: Watch where you’re going!
Woman: Are you kidding me!?
Girl: Oh god! This is New York, get over it!

–40th St & 6th Ave

Posted on March 25, 2015
Bryant Park, Default, Girls, Only in New York, Questions, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl to friend: Get all your cheating in before you are married!

–Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway

Angry dude on cell: Well I bet you enjoyed fucking him last night while I was sitting outside your house watching!

–Hudson & Morton

Guy on cell: Hey sweetie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just finish having sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call later!

–85th & 2nd

[Boy and girl are making out on a bench.]Girl, pulling away: You should really break up with her! [Make out session continues.]

–Entrance to Central Park at West 85th St

Overheard by: Bex

Man to woman, after kissing her for 20 minutes: C’mon, let’s go find your husband and my wife.

–Bryant Park

Man talking to friend in hallway: And so he says to me: "I never promised that I wouldn’t try to sleep with your wife."

–Basement, Mt Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: scrubs

Checkout girl to another: He said it wasn’t cheating because I’m his favorite.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: David

Posted on March 24, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Bryant Park, Buildings, Central Park, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hospitals, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Questions, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, West Village

But It Was Lovely Inhaling the Fragrance Of Your Youth

Twenty-something holding clipboard: Sir, sir! Can I have a minute of your time?
Older man (stopping and patting twenty-something's hand): Well, dear…no.

–Bryant Park

Posted on March 20, 2015
Activists, Bryant Park, Default, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, Questions, Time

…Well? Where's My Applause?

Rushed New Yorker shoving through tour group: Excuse me, excuse me…
Tour guide: Don't worry, folks, most New Yorkers aren't this rude.
Rushed New Yorker: Screw you! Yes we are, that's what everybody loves about us.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: I agree

Posted on March 9, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Bryant Park, Insults, Love, Only in New York, Tourists