Compliments

JAP #1: Oh my god! I have such a crush on this guy, except he's not cute, at all.
JAP #2: So, you like his personality then?
JAP #1: No.
JAP #2: Oh.
JAP #1: He just has a really great fashion sense.

–Cosi, E 8th St

Girl: We used to go out–he was wonderful–so interesting, caring, funny, and great lover. But I dumped him because he was gay.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: …Well, maybe he wasn’t a gay after all…Yes, he definitely wasn’t.

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: goga

Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s "Don’t sodomize the kids" world tour.

–83rd & Lex

Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.

–6th and D

Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka.

–218th & Park Terrace West

Overheard by: Kelley

Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes.

–Carmine St

Overheard by: arctinus

Girl on cell: It's 111 Columbus. No, Columbus as in the guy who discovered the world.

–Houston & Broadway

Guy to group: Napoleon is the funniest guy ever!

–Fordham University, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Hipster: Europe is cool, you know, because the towns are like soil samples when you look at them. You can pull the historical soil sample and see the layers of crustaceans and stuff.

–Party, Park Slope

20-something girl to friends: Mix tapes are like a little piece of history.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jo King

Male professor: Remember for your papers, John Brown was hanged, not hung. He might have been hung too but that is a different topic.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Go Rams!

Girlfriend: And ya know what? Just fuck you, okay? If that’s what you think, fuck you!
(Boyfriend sneezes)
Girlfriend: Bless you.
Boyfriend: Thank you.
Girlfriend: Awwwww… that’s the nicest conversation we’ve ever had!

–Central Park

Staten Island chick to friend: Remember when we got off at this stop because some guy lied to us and told us we were in Brooklyn?
Uninterested friend to random guy next to her: I like your shoes.

–Brooklyn Bound 4 Train

Overheard by: Emma

Drunk middle aged lady: Aww, love is great…you and your boyfriend are such a cute couple.
Chick: Oh, that guy? He's not my boyfriend. I'm just sleeping with him.
Drunk middle aged lady (laughing): Really? Good for you, he's cute. Well, maybe it'll turn into something more?
Chick: Oh, god no! He's an asshole…but he's amazing in bed and he's fun company… He's like a vibrator that makes appetizers.

–White Horse Tavern

Overheard by: the birthday girl

Wannabe Player: It is a pleasure to have the honor of being in your company.

–Halloween Party, Greenwich Village

Schlub: …yeah, it’s the nicest place–
Loudmouth: Yeah, but it’s fuckin’ in New Jersey!
Schlub: Yeah…Jersey…fuckin’ Jersey.

–Murray Hill deli

Overheard by: Neelam S.

Businessman #1: Hey man, guess what I just found out? Martin is a robot!
Businessman #2: I always thought so. At least he’s a good robot.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Greg Rutter