Black hipster #1: Oh my god! These jeans are sick! They’re lime green and making my eyeballs hurt!
Black hipster #2: Oooh, oooh, show me!
Black hipster #1, exiting dressing room: Man, my dick hurts ’cause they so tight! But daaamn… I look good!
–American Apparel
Chick: So, Jerry Springer was in my office today, and I overheard him telling the guy he was talking to on the phone that I was attractive.
Queer: Wow. I hate you. In the best way possible. I hate you.
Chick: Why? Because he’s my new boyfriend?
Queer: Because one of the coolest sketchy famous people in the world called you attractive in a remarkably sketchy way. If I ever have to talk you off a self-esteem ledge again, I’m tagging out and killing myself.
–46th & 6th
Overheard by: Gays and their Hags, on the next Springer!
Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming
Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.
–Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Michelle
Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship.
–Borders, 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: with a K
Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Alexandra
Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?
–2nd St & 1st Ave
Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: buffalo
Drunk teenage girl, yelling: Just so all of you guys know, I am underage! (long pause, then to friend) Shit, I just told them we are underage! (long pause, then to woman) Hey, you! I love your hair!
–Q Train
Girl#1: And he was all like, “Boo hoo, I wish you were here to take care of me. Come snuggle.”
Girl#2: Aww! That’s sweet.
Girl#1: Ew! No it’s not! [after rolling eyes and taking sip of coffee] that’s what his fucking wife is for…
Girl#2: I… Do you hear yourself?
Girl#1: Fuck you!
–NYU
Harried-looking maid of honor: You make the most beautiful blushing bride!
Bridezilla: I'm not blushing! I have rosacea!
–Ladies Room, Tavern On The Green
Overheard by: Really was blushing…
Teacher, guiding field trip: Don’t you look cute today, April?! I love your dress. I wish I could wear one like it.
Kindergarten girl: Maybe if you lost some weight, you could.
–L train
Girl #1 to friend: You're definitely my number one.
Girl #2: Uh yeah, you're in my top five.
–49th St & 5th Ave
JAP #1: Oh my god! I have such a crush on this guy, except he's not cute, at all.
JAP #2: So, you like his personality then?
JAP #1: No.
JAP #2: Oh.
JAP #1: He just has a really great fashion sense.
–Cosi, E 8th St
Girl: We used to go out–he was wonderful–so interesting, caring, funny, and great lover. But I dumped him because he was gay.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: …Well, maybe he wasn’t a gay after all…Yes, he definitely wasn’t.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: goga
